


A lifetime of promises and a world of dreams

by multifandomgeek



Series: lifetime of promises and a world of dreams [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Brooke is pregnant, F/F, Fluff, Kidfic, Lesbian AU, Pregnancy, So fluffy you're gonna die, let's see if I can do a real slowburn this time, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:19:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomgeek/pseuds/multifandomgeek
Summary: Vanessa works at Carter's and really loves her job. One day, a blonde walks in looking very scared.Their bond grows stronger as Brooke's belly grows bigger. Vanessa wants to give her the world, but doesn't want to take advantage of the emotional vulnerability she's going through. Brooke feels like without Vanessa she can't breathe, but doesn't want to put her in a position where she has to take such a deep commitment in such a short amount of time.





	1. There's a baby inside me

**Author's Note:**

> Did I have time to write this? No, but that's procrastination for you, folks. 
> 
> This is heavy on the pregnancy but nothing icky or kinky. 
> 
> Thank you so much Meggie and WritWorm for the suggestions and encouragement and thank you especially holtzman for betaing, being excited for it and also giving me a title <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blonde woman walks into the Carter's store where Vanessa works with a scared expression and blurts out she's pregnant in a weird way.

Vanessa loved working at Carter's. She loved unboxing the new collections and gushing at how cute they were with the moms, dads, aunts, and grandmas. She loved cooing at the babies that came to the store and watching them grow into chubby, smiling little people with personalities of their own, and in the blink of an eye becoming toddlers that threw tantrums and made messes she didn't even mind having to tidy up later.

Sure, it was retail. She had to deal with the occasional rude, entitled parent with an expired coupon who forgot that she was actually a person and not a robot standing there to read their minds and attend exclusively to their needs. Not to mention the far from ideal management, who could use a lesson or two in people-skills. It wasn't the career that she’d dreamed of as a child either, but that was rare even for her friends who went to college and everything, and when she balanced it all out, it was a good job.

All in all, she was happy enough, making ends meet and trying to keep her constant baby fever at bay, thinking loosely about dating apps and if it was too much to hope that they would help her meet someone to build a family with, all while folding pants so small that with two folds they fit in the palm of her hand.

It was almost closing time. She wasn't expecting any more clients; usually the moms stopped coming after dark, with bedtime and all. So when she heard the door open, she perked her neck to look, curious more than anything.

It was a tall, blonde woman with wavy hair just short of touching her shoulders. She was dressed like she probably came directly from her work at a high-end office job. But what struck Vanessa most about her appearance was the way she was looking at the racks around the store as if they were the scariest thing she had ever seen in her entire life.

"Good evening, Ma'am, can I help you?" said Vanessa approaching the lady who had barely stepped inside at all, standing still just beyond the closed doors, her hands clutching her purse in front of her. The blonde looked at her with glazed eyes, taking a moment to come back to herself and answer. Vanessa waited patiently, sensing, somehow, it would be important to listen.

"There's a baby inside me," the blonde blurted out.

\--

Brooke had everything she ever fought for: a home of her own that was a house and not an apartment, a stable job that allowed her not to worry about bills or buying brand-name groceries, and her dance lessons once a week that provided her body and soul with the art she could never make a career out of but couldn’t let go of either.

It was a nice life, a good life. So, you could say the decision was made in a perfect moment. There was not a single thing one could point out that Brooke wouldn’t be able to argue her way into proving it wasn’t a problem. Because she had done it to herself, countless times, in her own head even before she gathered up the courage to share the idea with her best friend Nina, from dance class.

Brooke decided she was going to be a mother. She was 35 years old, and the biological window was closing. Not only was her fertility rate going steadily down, but the longer she waited, the higher the possibilities that serious medical complications would occur.

She wanted to be pregnant, to have a baby that would be undoubtedly hers, as selfish or conservative as that might sound, and she knew it would take a medical procedure ever since she was a teen and discovered that men were not for her. That was even if she managed to find the love of her life in the span of the 5 years that she still had until it became really risky, which she doubted very much would happen anyway. So there was no point, really, in waiting. She wanted it, so so badly, and she had the means to do it. It was all that it took.

So never mind people’s opinions, or the fact that she had no partner, or the fact that her family lived literally in another country, or any other single thing that might have stopped her. She had researched it all, took all the precautions, even talked to a therapist for a few months. No one could point a finger at her and say that this was a spur of the moment decision; it had been a long process with a lot of pushback from every single person in her life, even Nina.

But now, that fight was over. Now, it was already done and people forgot they had been so insistent on her not doing this in favor of being happy for her, congratulating her, giving her hugs and more hugs, complimenting her on her courage and sometimes even crying. And she felt like she wasn’t allowed to be scared, or have doubts, or be anything else than absolutely 100% confident all the time. She didn’t have a single person even to complain about her morning sickness without the fear of hearing an “I told you so” back.

She had never been so afraid of being alone in her entire life.

One evening, while driving home, well over a month after living with another being inside of her every minute of every day, it suddenly hit her that she was going to be responsible for the life of an entire person, all by herself. Not a hypothetical one, a living one, that was already growing inside her. Stopped at a red light, It overwhelmed her to think of all the things she didn’t have; not a crib, a stroller, bottles, blankets, pacifiers, diapers, onesies, nothing at all. What else would she even need? How was she supposed to know this? Was there a checklist?

Somebody honked behind her and she noticed the light was already green. She made a turn, decided not to go home anymore. She needed to have something, anything, even if it was just one item. What kind of a mother was she? _The kind that doesn’t know shit,_ her brain supplied. She started to cry.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she sobbed, parking in front of a Carter’s and staying in her car until her crying subdued a little. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done this to you and now you’re stuck with me, you don’t have a choice,” she said to her belly that didn’t even show yet. “I’m sorry.”

She sobbed and sobbed for a few more minutes until she forced herself to stop or the store would close and she would feel even worse. She fixed her face in the rearview mirror and took a deep breath. “I’ll do my best, okay?” she promised her baby and got out of the car.

The moment she stepped inside the store she felt completely lost. There was a boy’s side and a girl’s side. Of course there was. That’s how grown up stores were - why wouldn’t it be like that for children too? What was she supposed to do with that? She didn’t know the sex of her baby yet.

What if it was a girl? She thought about cute little dresses, little bows on a chubby head. Learning how to do hairdos for her first day of school. Would she even like that sort of thing?

What if it was a boy? She thought about cute little dress shirts and having to learn about sports so she could keep up with his extracurricular activities. Would he even like sports?

What if it was neither? She thought about cute little converse shoes and visits to queer events so they wouldn’t feel left out at school. How would she even know that early on, so she could raise them right?

Brooke heard someone talking to them, far away. It took her a moment to realize there was a woman right in front of her, a salesperson from the store. She was a short Latina, with long hair falling around her shoulders. She was absolutely beautiful, and in another life maybe Brooke would have even flirted with her. Right now, however, she was grateful for the kindness in the woman’s eyes.

“There’s a baby inside me,” Brooke blurted out, only half-conscious of the words leaving her mouth. It was as much a cry for help as it probably sounded like.

\--

It wasn’t the weirdest way somebody told Vanessa they were pregnant, but it was probably in the top twenty. The woman didn’t seem like the “I can’t believe this shitty thing is happening to me” type, more like she was going through the “I don’t think I’m qualified for this” kind of panic.

“Congratulations,” said Vanessa, softly and with a small smile.

“Thank you,” responded the blonde automatically. Her eyes started to wander around again. Now that Vanessa was looking at her better, she noticed she must have been crying.

“You must be really early on, right? You’re not even showing yet,” said Vanessa, trying to coach the woman into talking to her and maybe letting out her fears so Vanessa could tell her this was normal and she would be fine.

“How do people who choose not to know the sex of the baby until birth do their shopping?” she asked instead, looking baffled by the idea. Vanessa laughed, the loud sound surprising the blonde and bringing a small smile to her lips. It made the Latina feel accomplished already, but also notice all of a sudden how gorgeous the woman was.

“They all have their little tactics. A lot of people buy stuff then return it later, but we have a few things that are more gender-neutral, you know, for boys or girls,” she said, walking a few steps towards that section, but stopping once she noticed the blonde wasn’t following. She turned back to her with an urge to just hug the scared look out of her face. Instead, she kept talking softly. “What are you looking for?”

“I don’t know,” said the woman. “I- I don’t know anything,” she confessed, but quickly corrected herself. “I don’t have anything, is what I mean. I don’t have anything yet. I just wanted to buy something. You know, so I don’t feel so, hm…”

“Unprepared?” completed Vanessa smiling. “I got you. Don’t worry, that’s fine. It’s your first, right?” The blonde nodded. “All moms are scared, even the ones with already grown children. You’ll have time to buy everything you need and probably a lot you don’t need, too.” she walked as she talked, looking through items while the woman still stood by the doors. “You’re already caring and that’s more than a lot of people do, trust me. How about this?” She brought a cute white onesie with a light brown bear pattern to the door so the blonde could see.

“It’s so small,” she said, taking it in her hands so delicately it was like it already had a baby inside. She ran the pads of her fingers over the soft fabric as if caressing the imaginary baby’s chest. It was a touching moment.

Then it slipped from her hands and fell to the floor.

Vanessa could see the panic bubbling inside the woman, who took a step back with wide eyes as Vanessa quickly crouched down to pick the onesie up. She knew she was thinking: “I can’t even hold my baby, I’m going to drop it. I can’t do this.”

“Hey, hey, look at me,” said Vanessa, throwing professionalism out the window and just taking the woman’s hands, the baby’s clothing thrown over her shoulder. “You can stop the thought spiral right now, Miss Thing, this is just a piece of fabric, alright? You’re gonna be fine! You want to buy something, you buy something, but all your baby needs right now and for the rest of their life is you. You already care, you’re already a good mom!” Vanessa squeezed the blonde’s hands for emphasis.

The blonde just stared at her for a moment, not saying anything, but her breathing slowed down. Eventually, she took a step forward and enveloped Vanessa in a tight hug. Vanessa was surprised, but hugged back, thinking about how good she smelled. Her eyes slipped closed without her even noticing.

“I’m, hm, I’m gonna buy it,” said the woman, pulling back, a little embarrassed and with tears in the corner of her eyes.

“Hm?” Said Vanessa, suddenly flustered and completely spaced out.

“The onesie,” said the blonde with a little smirk.

“Right! Sure, yeah!” Said Vanesa, turning around to hide her blush. “I can’t bring the register to you, though, you'll have to step inside the store,” she said playfully.

Brooke laughed, following her to pay. She looked better, even reaching to touch one or two hanging products on her way to the cashiers. Vanessa went through the process of ringing her up, ignoring the way the blonde was staring at her from the other side of the counter.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

“Vanessa,” she responded, her voice a bit too breathless for a professional interaction.

“I’m Brooke,” said the blonde, giving her her card without ever taking her eyes off Vanessa’s face. “Thank you. Really.”

“Anytime,” said Vanessa, serious, meaning it.

Brooke took her bag and left, not without looking back at Vanessa with an indecipherable look, leaving the brunette behind with a mixture of the satisfaction of having helped someone, the hope she would be a regular, and the slight guilt of maybe having a crush on a pregnant (and likely married) woman.

Vanessa sighed and closed down the store. She thought she was just too lonely because she just couldn’t stop thinking about Brooke all the way home.


	2. The heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke met Vanessa at Carter's, where the Latina was kind to her and both were left with a lasting impression. 
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke hear her baby's heartbeat for the first time, and it's wonderful.

When Brooke completed 9 weeks of her pregnancy, she had a doctor’s appointment. At that point, it was like most people forgot she was pregnant. She was starting to show but not by much, you could barely see it if you didn’t know. The coworker’s congratulations stopped and her routine was starting to feel normal even with the nausea, sleepiness and everything else. The only people who frequently talked about it were her mom, who she now called more than ever, and Nina, who wanted catch-ups every week after their dance class. 

But Brooke was still bitter, even if it was going away little by little as time went by, and wary of opening up. She was keeping most of it to herself, especially if she felt like it was too deep, for bad or for good. Her little mementos were being kept with the same care as her fears. 

So, she went to the doctor by herself. She ignored the look of pity when the receptionist noticed she was alone, and endured the long list of questions about her daily activities and bodily functions before she could finally have her ultrasound. 

The doctor was explaining things here and there, telling her everything was fine and dandy while spreading the cool gel around her little round belly with the head of the machine. He stopped talking for a minute to focus and suddenly there was a different sound coming from the machine. A strong, fast, pulsing sound.

“What’s that?” She asked, confused.

“It’s your baby’s heartbeat,” said the doctor kindly. 

He explained a few more things about it but Brooke was completely mesmerized by the sound and didn’t pay attention at all. It was so, so fast but still so human, how did she not recognize it? She started to cry. Again. 

Brooke was sure she had cried more times in those 9 weeks than in her entire life combined. 

The doctor wasn’t phased by her sobbing and turned the screen to her to show some smudges that were supposed to look like the outlines of the little person inside her. She didn’t see it, but said she did just so he would stop trying to explain it to her. He gave her a slip of paper with the smudges printed on it, and she kept it carefully, just in case. 

She didn’t know why she made her way to the Carter’s store again. The onesie she had bought now had a dresser to be kept inside, and nothing else to keep it company. That didn’t scare her as much anymore though, even if she probably should be a little more worried about her preparations. But maybe she was still in denial, and seeing the nursery ready would make things too real too soon. 

But hearing her baby’s heart today, it made it feel real again in a way her pregnancy symptoms didn’t. It was a baby, her baby. It was alive and growing and soon it would be in her arms and she couldn’t wait. She was suddenly so excited for them, which was such a wonderful thing to feel and very much a relief to take a break from the fear and the hormone-driven roller coaster that she was constantly riding nowadays. So she wanted to treat herself, and maybe share this wonderful moment with the one person who had been kind to her about this, even if it was a complete stranger. 

It was only when she entered the store that it occurred to her that Vanessa could not be there. Brooke didn’t know her schedule, or maybe she didn’t even work there anymore. Even if she did, would she even remember Brooke, a random woman who had a mild breakdown weeks ago and never showed up again? Her heart was already sinking when her eyes crossed with the brunette’s over a rack and her smile lighted Brooke’s world. 

“Are you staying at the door again or will you step inside the store this time?” asked Vanessa, walking towards Brooke. She remembered. 

“Hi,” said Brooke simply, taking a few steps in. She was smiling back at Vanessa, who averted her gaze to look at Brooke’s belly.

“You’re already showing!” She said excitedly.

“A little bit, yeah,” responded Brooke, putting a hand on her belly instinctively. “I heard the heartbeat today for the first time.”

“Aww,” said Vanessa, bringing her hands to her own face. 

“The doctor also gave me this,” said Brooke, fishing for the slip of paper carefully folded inside a notebook in her purse. “But I can’t really see anything.”

Vanessa took the picture from Brooke’s hand carefully, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth slowly like a rising sun, and Brooke watched as her eyes wrinkled with it. 

“See, this is the head,” she pointed out, stepping to stand beside Brooke. “and this here is the little body.”

“I can see it!” exclaimed Brooke, taking the paper from Vanessa to look at it better. She felt like crying again. “Is the head supposed to be this big?”

“I don’t know,” Vanessa chuckled, craning her neck to look at the picture again. “Probably. If your doctor didn’t say anything?” Brooke shook her head. “I think it’s fine then. They all look a little alien in the belly, I heard.” Brooke laughed, and Vanessa caught herself, covering her mouth. “I mean, sorry! Jesus, I-”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” said Brooke, still laughing, now looking at Vanessa’s face again. “It does look a little alien.”

They both stared at the picture for a moment longer until the door opened and a woman pushing a stroller walked in, breaking the moment. Vanessa hurried to help with the door and ask if she needed anything, and Brooke put her child’s first picture away, now even more carefully than before. 

“Sorry about that,” said Vanessa, coming back to her, but now standing a little bit farther away and talking quieter, more politely. “Do you need help with anything?”

“No, thank you,” said Brooke. “I’m just gonna-” she pointed at the door awkwardly. Vanessa frowned for a millisecond before she gave a closed mouth smile. “Ok, so, bye. Have a nice evening, Vanessa,” she finished, for some reason feeling the urge to show she still remembered her name. 

“You too, Brooke,” said Vanessa with a little wave. “See ya.”

It was only when Brooke was already home, laying in her bed that she realized she left the store without so much as looking at anything to buy.


	3. The mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Vanessa was the first person that Brooke told about her baby's heartbeat and her first sonogram. She went to the store just to share it with her. 
> 
> On this chapter: Vanessa is definitely an acquaintance, but an incident at the mall might change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** TW: this chapter has a panic attack and talks about miscarriage. **
> 
> If you think Brooke cries too much, I'm aware and also, have you ever met a pregnant woman? :P

Brooke got used to counting weeks. 39 was when the baby was supposed to be born, but the number she was looking forward to right now was 12. Her doctor had said several times that she should be cautious about her expectations before 12 weeks, even if he hadn’t done so ever since she got the confirmation about being pregnant. 12 was the threshold for the highest risks of natural miscarriage, especially in older women. She was told she was not that kind of old yet, but sometimes it was just a case of bad luck and she was afraid regardless.

Today, she was looking at maternity clothes. Her pants didn’t fit anymore and she was starting to consider going to work in sweats and that was just unacceptable, even if the company wouldn’t care that much. Besides, even her looser sweatpants were starting to feel a little uncomfortable at the waist. The maternity clothes were weird, though, and quite expensive for being basically regular clothes with elastics or a little extra fabric in strategic places. 

She left the store with a small bag, afraid to buy too many things, just like she still was afraid to buy too many things for the baby. She had been at Carter’s a couple of times after the heartbeat day, managing to buy some things instead of just ogling at the pretty saleswoman. Which was another thing entirely: she was crazy horny. This baby was teaching her a whole new meaning to the word hormones. 

She had even seen Vanessa once or twice around town. It wasn’t all that odd, it was a relatively small town, but she never had the guts to come up to her and say hello outside of the enclosed bubble of the store. She was pretty sure Vanessa wasn’t just polite with her, that she enjoyed seeing Brooke and chatting with her, but she couldn’t be sure, and didn’t want to test it and be disappointed. 

In any case, it wasn’t like she could just flirt with pretty girls now and ask them out like she did before. Her life was not like that anymore. At 11 weeks of pregnancy, not only did she have other priorities, but she also didn’t hold the same confidence on her appearance as she used to. Besides, it just felt weird. She couldn’t expect people not to question her belly, or to have a one night stand easily like before. She was just hormone-horny. It would pass. She hoped. 

Of course, she would be more than happy if Vanessa just became her friend. But Brooke wasn’t very good at that, making friends. She couldn’t even count Nina as a victory on that regard, their friendship building itself entirely by Nina’s efforts. With Vanessa, she didn’t know how to go about it, didn’t know how to trust herself not only because of her pregnant mind, but also because of the undeniable attraction she had for the brunette. 

She was walking through the mall without any rush, thinking about that and all sorts of other things. She window shopped and spent a few minutes watching the kids play on the little indoors playground, trying to picture which one would her baby most likely look like, until her feet started to hurt from standing still for so long. She kept going, aiming for the food court to get a swirly vanilla ice cream before she finally went home, when a sharp pain in her stomach made her stop dead in her tracks. 

Brooke immediately started to panic. It was the worst thing she could do, she was alone and needed to keep her head in place to be able to call for help. But it was no use, her panic was already underway, and as she shakingly walked to the nearest wall to lean against it, her heavy breathing was already making her dizzy. 

Her mind was an endless repeat of “something’s wrong, something’s wrong” while she squeezed her legs together as if it would help holding her insides and her baby in place. The pain had subdued to a dull ache in her lower back, but the fear was already running cold through her veins, so fiercely she couldn’t convince herself it wasn’t getting worse. 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” she heard as if through water. Only as she looked up did she notice the tears in her eyes making the world look blurry. She wiped them off to see a young black woman looking back at her with a worried look. She could only muster enough coherence to shake her head negatively. “Ok, everything is gonna be fine. I’m gonna help you.” The woman stepped forward to touch Brooke’s arm in a comforting gesture. “You think-”

“Kiki, what- Brooke?” came a voice from behind Brooke. 

“Vanessa,” exhaled Brooke. She was so relieved to see her beautiful worried face that she threw herself at the younger woman without even thinking, gripping at her arms and letting her tears fall. “Something’s wrong,” she sobbed.

“It’s probably nothing, alright?” said Vanessa, wiping Brooke’s tears off gently, ignoring the fact that she was already trembling and almost crying herself. Brooke just nodded. “You’ll be fine but you need to breathe. We’ll take you to the doctor.”

A’keria went to get one of the mall’s wheelchairs to take Brooke to their car and drive her to the hospital. Vanessa filled her friend in on how she knew Brooke on the drive over, from the backseat where Brooke was lying with her head on her lap, her breathing already better as the Latina kept running her fingers through her blonde locks. But she was clutching her belly and crying, figuring the worst had happened and feeling just completely, overwhelmingly lost. 

She didn’t even register how she ended up on the doctor’s consultation room, lying down in a hospital gown with Vanessa by her side, still caressing her hair and face and murmuring affirmations that everything was going to be okay, which Brooke still wasn’t believing, but were nice anyway. 

“You’re constipated,” said the doctor, not her usual one, coming into the room without preamble, looking like he didn’t have time for this and would like to go on with it as efficiently as possible, thank you very much. 

“What?” said Brooke and Vanessa simultaneously. 

“Your baby is fine,” the doctor continued. “There was some bleeding, but that’s normal in the first 12 weeks. We checked it just to be sure and it was just some residual bleeding, as I suspected. You’re fine, your baby is fine. The pain you’re feeling is just plain old constipation. You can take some-” he was interrupted by Vanessa’s loud laughter. 

“I’m sorry!” said Vanessa, covering her mouth but still snorting. 

Brooke started laughing too. “The baby is fine,” she said, and her laughter transitioned into sobs of relief. 

“No no no, it’s a happy thing, baby!” said Vanessa. “You can stop crying now. Happy, happy.” 

“Oookay, I’ll leave you ladies to it,” said the doctor. “You’re free to go whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you, doctor, sir,” yelled Vanessa as he shut the door. She turned back to Brooke without knowing what to do. The blonde had both of her hands over her face and was crying convulsively. “Bitch you’re crying harder than when you thought your baby was dead, what’s that about?” she exclaimed exasperated. 

Brooke turned into laughing like a madwoman again. She wiped the tears away from her red face and tried to compose herself, but one look at Vanessa’s dumbfounded expression and she was laughing even harder, turning to her side to hunch from the effort of it. Vanessa threw her arms up and did a little walk-around before she started laughing too. Way, way less than Brooke, but still.

“Thank you, Vanessa,” said Brooke, after a long while, once she could breathe normally enough. “I was so lucky you were there, I was so fucking scared,” she was suddenly very serious.

“Girl, I’m glad I was there too,” said Vanessa. “Where’s your husband or something? We tried asking you but you were totally out of it.”

“What?” asked Brooke, confused for a second before she realized that Vanessa wasn’t someone she knew forever, despite how it might feel. “Oh, hm, I guess I never told you, huh?” she sat up, suddenly nervous. “I’m not- I’m doing this alone. I decided to do it alone.”

“Shut the fuck up,” said Vanessa like she thought Brooke was pranking her for some reason. It was Brooke’s favorite reaction out of everyone she had told this. 

“No, it’s true,” she said, chuckling. “I know; crazy, right?”

“Crazy? Nu-uh, it’s incredible!” said Vanessa with a huge smile. “You’re fucking amazing.” She pulled Brooke into a hug, making her slide down to stand up gracelessly. 

Brooke could’ve started crying again. Instead, she blushed, realizing she was practically naked while hugging a very beautiful woman, her body quickly forgetting the panic and remembering the horniness. Vanessa smelled amazing. 

“I should put some clothes on,” she said, breathless. 

“Right!” said Vanessa, jumping to be at an arm’s length from Brooke in a fraction of a second. “Sorry,” she turned away while Brooke got dressed, her clothes carefully folded over a chair by A’keria before she had to leave earlier. 

“I couldn’t have a husband anyway,” she said, sitting down to put her pants on, which was getting harder every day. “I’m a gigantic lesbian.”

“Shit!” said Vanessa as she loudly dropped something metallic on the floor. It rolled under the cabinet and she kneeled down to try and retrieve it. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“You okay?” asked Brooke, trying hard not to stare at Vanessa’s perked up ass and failing. 

“Let’s just hope it wasn’t important,” said the brunette, sitting up with the smile of a person who was in this kind of situation very often. It was very endearing. “You good?”

“Yeah,” said Brooke, checking to see if she wasn’t forgetting anything. 

“Let’s go then,” said Vanessa pulling her by the hand. 

Brooke called an uber to take her back to the mall so she could get her car. Vanessa wasn’t very pleased about leaving her alone but there wasn’t much she could do about it. She had been looking at Brooke differently after her coming out, and the blonde absolutely didn’t want to assume anything, but it was hard not to. How could someone as kind and uplifting as Vanessa be homophobic, she didn’t know, but she supposed it was not the kind of thing you could just see on people’s faces. But again, she really, really didn’t want to assume. 

“I wanna give you my number,” said Vanessa, taking the phone from which Brooke was looking up her uber out of her hands without waiting for her permission.

“What?” asked Brooke, watching perplexed as Vanessa punched down her digits with her tongue sticking out in concentration. 

“I don’t like the idea of you walking around all alone without a soul to call if something happens,” she said, now texting herself to get Brooke’s number. 

“I have people to call if I need it, you don’t have-”

“Yeah, right,” interrupted Vanessa, seeing right through Brooke’s pride. She gave the phone back with a determined expression. “So you call them and then you call me too.” She sighed heavily and took Brooke’s hand. “I’m here for you, okay? I know we don’t know each other very well yet and I know for sure you can do this by yourself. It’s not about that, trust me. You’re brave and strong, but you don’t have to be alone. I- I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Okay,” Brooke agreed, lost in Vanessa’s eyes. The small smile she got in return would probably be the best thing on her day if she still wasn’t shaking with the relief of knowing her baby was safe.

She got inside her uber moments later, the exhaustion of everything she went through in one day suddenly catching up to her. But before she could rest her eyes and wait for the car to get her to her destination, she heard Vanessa shouting: 

“Text me when you poop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the drama, the cuteness will continue on the next one ;)


	4. It's a...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke had a scary experience at the mall, but thankfully Vanessa was there to help her, and gave her her number afterwards so she could keep tabs on Brooke from now on. 
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke comes to the conclusion that she wants to let people in. Also, the ultrasound to know the baby's sex is approaching, should she invite Vanessa to come with her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much holtzman for the most uplifting beta ever and for helping me not look like a fool <3

Brooke was an independent woman. She was proud of it, had worked hard for it and didn’t take it for granted. When she decided to have a child alone, she had to convince every person in her life that she could do it, just so they would stop trying to talk her out of it. 

But now, she was starting to see their point. 

It wasn’t like she was regretting it, or doubting herself in any way, but at times she felt like it was too much. The sheer amount of things she had to take care of, without even taking into account her own well being, was overwhelming. Let alone doing so while working full time. Logically, she knew there were millions of women who did it every day, women who were in much worse positions than her. That didn’t make it any easier, nor did it make any sense that she should keep stressing herself exponentially when she knew that there were people willing to be a part of it, and share her burden in some way. 

Not because she needed the help, but because they loved her, and wanted to be in her life, and the life of her baby. It was an important difference in how Brooke saw things, and something she took too long to realize it. 

The first person she began to let in was her mother. Not that she was keeping things from her, but sometimes she thought about asking her things, and decided to google them instead. Or felt like sharing her worries with her, but ultimately decided to keep them in. So, she deliberately started to not do that anymore. Slowly, and with small things so as not to shock the old lady, who wasn’t used to her oldest daughter being so vulnerable with her. Brooke was surprised at how much lighter she felt the first time she admitted that she was a little overwhelmed with the number of things she still had to learn, and her mom laughed and simply responded with “don’t worry, sweetie, you’ll learn whether you want to or not”. 

The next one was Nina. She invited her over for some pizza and they ended up in an online shopping-spree that had Brooke with a new stroller and several knick-knacks for the nursery’s decoration, as well as a crib that she left in her cart to think over, along with many, many other items she wasn’t even sure she really needed, but that were just so cute!

“When do you get to know the sex?” asked Nina, scrolling through toys on the laptop that the baby wouldn't play with at least until next year. 

“In a couple of weeks,” she responded, putting some cookies in the oven. Even after the pizza, she was still kind of hungry.

“You’ll be able to think of names then! And buy clothes and all that stuff! How exciting!” said Nina with a screech and little jumps of joy in her place on the couch. 

“I know!” said Brooke, smiling. “I can’t wait!”

“Can I come with?” asked Nina. Brooke noticed something like fear of rejection clouding her excitement and felt guilty, knowing she was the one that put it there. 

“I would love that!” said Brooke, sincerely, sitting down next to Nina, “but the appointment is on a Wednesday morning. I’m sorry.” 

“Oh,” Nina’s face contorted into disappointment. She was an elementary school teacher, it was practically impossible for her to do anything in the mornings unless it was a very serious emergency. “Bummer. Will you do a gender reveal party or something?”

“Ew, no.” said Brooke. “That’s really not my style. Besides, pink and blue? I don’t want to raise my child on that.”

“Fair point,” said Nina, “Can you wait until I come here in the evening instead of telling me through the phone, though? Pretty please?”

“Sure,” said Brooke, smiling fondly at her friend, “I’ll buy a cake that has a vagina or a penis sculpted into it just for you.”

“Aw, how thoughtful,” cooed Nina before both of them exploded in laughter. 

“Are you going alone to the appointment, then?” asked Nina after a while. 

“Maybe,” said Brooke, picking at the hem of her shirt. “I’m thinking about asking Vanessa if she wants to come, but I don’t know.”

“Who’s Vanessa?” asked Nina with a Disney-like smile. 

“I’ve told you about her,” said Brooke. “She’s a friend of mine who works at Carter’s.”

“Oh, the girl you have a massive crush on?” exclaimed Nina.

“I do not have a crush on her, Nina.”

“I’m sorry, are you calling it love already?”

“Shut up,” responded Brooke, giving her a playful swat and chuckling. “I’m pregnant, I can’t have crushes on people. She’s my friend.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that being pregnant makes you not-human for about 9 months,” said Nina, rolling her eyes. 

“Come on, you know what I mean,” said Brooke, and if some sadness came through in her voice she was ignoring it. 

“Alright, sweetheart, I won’t press you about it,” said Nina, sympathetic. “I hope she can come, though, it’s a pretty big moment.”

“Me too,” said Brooke, not realizing that she just decided she was going to call Vanessa. She had been thinking about it non-stop and it was that easy to decide. 

“I think the cookies are done,” said Nina, sniffing the air.

“Oh, crap!” said Brooke, dashing to the kitchen. 

\--

Brooke was browsing through the socks rack, and Vanessa was watching her from the register. The blonde was working herself up to talk about something, she could tell. They had been hanging out lately, not as often as Vanessa wished but often enough that she was able to tell it was not bad news. 

It could take a while, though, so Vanessa was leaving her be, taking the opportunity to stare at her unabashedly. She might as well have her chin resting on her hand and sighing like a damsel in distress longing for her lost sailor in a high window from how bad she was disguising it. 

She had it bad. She had it so damn bad. The day Brooke told her she was single and lesbian, it was like she was revealing she had a Vanessa-shaped hole in her life waiting to be filled. It was ridiculous, and the Latina knew it. She was projecting her own fantasies on the blonde, and it wasn’t her fault that they just fit so fucking well. 

But Brooke didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be the instrument of satisfaction for Vanessa’s baby-fevered mind. She didn’t have any hole in her life, wasn’t missing anything. She was an amazing woman; strong, beautiful, smart, and incredibly brave. She was funny and witty and deserved someone who loved her, whenever she decided she wanted love, and not just because she was pregnant and often times vulnerable and sensitive. 

“You know,” said Brooke into the empty store, breaking Vanessa’s thoughts. “I won’t have to buy only white socks pretty soon.”

“Right, you’ll have the ultrasound to know the sex one of these days,” said Vanessa, walking around the registry to stand next to Brooke. “Then you’ll start the real shopping spree.” 

“Look how tiny,” said Brooke in a high voice, putting a tiny sock on her index and one on her middle finger and wiggling them in Vanessa’s face, making her smile and scrunch her face away. “Yeah, it’s in two weeks, actually,” she continued, hanging the socks back on place. “Wednesday morning. You wanna come with me?”

“For real?” asked Vanessa, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her. 

“I mean, if you can’t because of work, I get it, it’s no big deal,” said Brooke, still looking at the socks. “I just- It would be nice.”

“I can!” said Vanessa. She didn’t really know if she could, actually, but she would make it, even if she had to fake call in sick or something. Even if she got fucking fired. “Yeah, I’ll come with you.”

She was smiling wide, but maybe, maybe, Brooke was smiling wider. She turned to Vanessa, finally looking at her. Vanessa wanted to kiss her so badly it was insane. They stared at each other for a while until one of them blinked away, which was maybe becoming a habit. 

Brooke bought the tiny white socks.

\--

“What do you want it to be?” asked Vanessa in the waiting room, shaking her leg up and down from stifled excitement. Brooke was surprised she was able to keep sitting down.

“Isn’t it bad if I choose one?” said Brooke.

“Don’t take it too seriously,” said Vanessa. “It’s only bad if you resent them for it later, and I know you won’t do that.”

“What do you want it to be?” asked Brooke without thinking. She only realized this was a couple’s question and not a friend’s question after it was already done. Taking it back would be even more awkward, so she stood her ground. She couldn’t decipher the look on Vanessa’s face, and was almost saying something else when she responded. 

“A girl,” said Vanessa, lower than usual, like she was telling a secret. “Girl’s stuff is cuter, and they’re less whiny.”

Brooke giggled. “Really?” she asked, suddenly feeling giddy. “You’ll have to do her hair then, your hair is always prettier and I don’t have the patience for it.” Images of Vanessa tying little blonde curls into ponytails flooded her mind. 

“Okay,” Vanessa nodded. 

“Brooke Lynn Hytes,” called a nurse. Brooke reached for Vanessa’s hand as she got up. 

\--

The technician made sure to check if the baby was good and healthy before the sex shenanigans. She was chatty, explaining things here and there that Brooke was trying to pay attention to, really, she was. But Vanessa was standing behind the woman, rolling her eyes and making faces with impatience, even mockingly lip-synching the poor lady, and all of Brooke’s energy was going into not bursting into laughter. It was amazing, especially considering that all of her appointments so far were spent with her either crying or generally worried. This was a great change of mood. 

“Okay, so, let’s see if we can get a good look at the main event, I know what you ladies are really here for,” said the lady, and Vanessa stopped her buffoonery to lock her eyes on the screen, over the woman’s shoulder. There was a second screen up on the wall for Brooke to see too, and her heart started to pound in anticipation. “Come on, baby, where are your privates? Don’t keep it hidden, your mommies want to see it!” said the technician in a sing-song voice. Brooke’s heart gave a somersault, and she locked eyes with Vanessa for a mere second, not enough to understand her reaction, before the lady yelped. “Ah! There it is!”

She froze the screen and used the keyboard to type in some indications to help identify the image. But this time, Brooke didn’t need it. She could clearly see the outlines of the baby’s open legs on the black and white, grainy picture, followed by the bumps of a cute little butt. 

Brooke looked at Vanessa. She was crying. 

It was a girl.


	5. Eating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Vanessa goes with Brooke to find out the sex of the baby, and it's a girl!
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke hasn't been taking care of her eating properly, and Vanessa steps up to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd, forgive my mistakes.

Brooke stormed inside Carter’s ready to pour her heart out. Grantly, it was not as dramatic as it could have been, with her 24 weeks belly slowing down her pace and making her walk too much like a penguin for her to be able to really express her anger with her grand entrance.

It was all good though because Vanessa was busy. There was a customer on the register, which was weird, the store was always empty when Brooke came at this time, directly from work, but she guessed it was bound to happen one day or the other. She stayed awkwardly by the door, pretending to examine a few boys’ pants (she couldn’t go to the girls’ side anymore, too much temptation) while she waited for the guy to leave, trying to keep her outburst at bay so she could do it properly once she had Vanessa’s undivided attention.

Vanessa, who was ringing the guy up with a fresh smile tucked in the corner of her mouth. It was almost enough to make Brooke forget she was angry at all. They both watched the guy leave and waited until the door closed completely before turning back to each other.

“Something bothering you, Mami?” said Vanessa with a sarcastic smile that Brooke decided to ignore in favor of throwing her purse on the counter with unnecessary force, just to make a lot of noise.

“The doctor said I’m fat!” she said, trying to put her hand on her waist and failing on account that she didn’t have a waist anymore, which probably didn’t help much with her point. Vanessa suppressed a snort. “It’s not funny!”

“It’s a little funny,” said Vanessa, leaning on the counter and smiling.

“I’m pregnant!” said Brooke, her voice turning up higher as she got madder.

Vanessa gasped in mockery. “If you didn’t tell me, I would never know!” she managed to keep a straight face for less than a second before bursting into laughter.

Brooke pursed her lips, unamused. “You try growing another human being inside yourself and not being hungry all the time. How dare he call me fat!”

“Did he use that word?” asked Vanessa with an arched eyebrow. Brooke gaped for a second. “Or did he say you are a little overweight for how long you still have to go and should eat healthier? ‘Cause I’ve noticed how many times you go to McDonald’s a week, Mary, and it’s too many.”

“I- You’re supposed to support me,” Brooke ended up whining. “And tell me I’m not fat,” she crossed her arms above her belly and squishing her engorged boobs a little. She was aware of the irony of it.

“You’re gorgeous,” said Vanessa like it was obvious, and Brooke’s heart skipped a beat, even if she fished for the compliment. “But if you want me to tell you you’re not fat you gotta stop eating like a fat lady,” she said matter-of-factly, then directed her speech to Brooke’s stomach. “Right, Baby B? Aren’t you too young to be eating chicken nuggets every day? Tell your mama you want a salad or some shit too, from time to time,” she shouted at her belly.

“Don’t cuss at my child,” said Brooke, with a smile already peeking from the edge of her lips. Vanessa just showed her the tongue and went to do what was needed to close the store. Brooke waited for her outside.

Vanessa had started calling the baby “Baby B” ever since they found out it was a girl. She said it was bound to be a spitting image of Brooke, a “little baby Brooke walking around, all cute and shit”. Every time she talked to the baby, instead of getting closer and saying things in a baby voice as most people did, Vanessa shouted at Brooke’s belly, like she wanted to make sure the baby was going to hear her all the way inside.

Considering the normal volume of Vanessa’s voice, Brooke had her suspicions that the brunette didn’t even notice she was screaming when she talked to Baby B, and the blonde found it endlessly endearing. She even caught it on video once without Vanessa noticing, just so she could keep it with her little mementos.

“What you gonna eat tonight?” asked Vanessa as she walked Brooke to her car.

“I think I have some leftover pasta from last night but I was actually gonna order some takeout,” said Brooke. Vanessa looked at her sideways. “Don’t judge me, I have a lot going on. And I didn’t know I was fat when bought groceries this week.”

“You’re not fat-” said Vanessa.

“Thank you!” said Brooke, exasperated.

“-yet.”

Brooke squeaked in disbelief, lifting her arms just to let them fall the next second, shaking her head. Vanessa chuckled fondly.

“I’ll bring you dinner tonight, alright?” she said as they arrived at Brooke’s car. The blonde was already muttering up something dismissive, but Vanessa interrupted her. “Ah ah ah, I don’t wanna hear it! Did I give you an option? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“Ok, then,” said Brooke, smiling shyly, feeling cared for. “Thank you.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” said Vanessa, staring into Brooke’s eyes for a moment. “I better go then, get started on it. Bye, Baby B,” she said, leaning down to press a kiss onto Brooke’s belly, that she covered with her hand as soon as the Latina stood up again, as if to keep it safe, wishing she would get a kiss too. “See you later fatty,” Vanessa said, laughing with a tongue in between her teeth as she walked away.

“Oh, fuck you!” Brooke yelled back.

“Don’t cuss in front of the child!” Vanessa shouted back, already too far away.

\--

Vanessa did notice that Brooke’s cheeks were slightly rounder and her legs definitely thicker. She also noticed her boobs, but better not to think too much about it. She was still stunningly beautiful, but seeing her so mad at being called out about her weight by her doctor was too funny not to tease her a little.

She was genuinely worried about her health, though. Brooke didn’t leave a lot of time for herself in her daily routine, and cooking didn’t seem to be one of her favorite things to do (nor one of her talents, if the muffins Vanessa ate that one time were to attest for it). The Latina, however, loved to cook, especially when it was for somebody else. She hadn’t had an opportunity to do so in a long time, and was excited to browse the grocery store for ingredients and pick them out carefully. She also picked up fruits and healthy snacks to leave at Brooke’s place.

Part of her wanted to bring the things raw just to have the pleasure of filling Brooke’s home with the smell of food being prepared. Have the blonde come to the kitchen and peek at the stove with interest, just to shoo her away to wait until it was ready. But another part of her, the realistic part of her, knew it would be too much. She had been indulging herself a lot lately, and it was weighing in her conscience. Brooke was not a doll to be played with just to make Vanessa’s domestic fantasies come true. It was selfish, and she was starting to be really scared that she may have been playing with Brooke’s feelings without intending to.

She knew better than this, knew not to prey on Brooke’s vulnerability. It was hard, and complicated, to think of a way in which she could trust that the blonde could like her back and it wouldn’t have anything to do with her being scared about the baby, or afraid of being alone, or insecure about being a single mom, or anything else that she could stripe away and the only thing left would be “she likes _me_ ”. Vanessa had never been good with puzzles, and this was the hardest puzzle of her life. But on the other hand, she was sure it would be the most beautiful, wonderful one if she could only figure out a way to solve it.

She rang Brooke’s doorbell with several bags of groceries and some hot stew in big plastic containers, enough to feed Brooke for a week. So it would probably last about two days.

“Come in,” came a scream from inside the house.

“You have to open the door for me,” Vanessa shouted back.

“Why?”

“Because I have my hands full,” Vanessa rolled her eyes.

In a few seconds, the door opened. “If you could ring the bell why couldn’t you just get the doorknob?” asked Brooke instead of hello, but at least she grabbed some bags from Vanessa’s hands to bring inside.

“The bell only needs one finger. What do you got stuck up your ass today?” said Vanessa, kicking the door closed behind her.

“A huge fucking baby,” said Brooke, tossing the bags over her kitchen counter. “I’m hungry.”

“I got you, boo,” Vanessa chuckled, putting her own bags down and making Brooke a nice big plate out of her tupperwares. The blonde sat on the table, practically pouting when Vanessa put the plate in front of her. “Be nice and eat all your vegetables,” she said, pinching her cheeks. Brooke looked at her with murderer's eyes, but it only made Vanessa laugh harder.

“Oh my God, this is fucking delicious,” said Brooke with her mouth full while Vanessa started to put the groceries away. “Where did you get this?”

“Bitch, I cooked it!”

“No way!” said Brooke, waiting for the punchline while devouring the food in front of her. Vanessa stopped to look at her pointedly with a hand on her hip. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” asked Vanessa.

“Jesus Christ, are you an actual angel? How have you been hiding this from me all this time, this is the best food I’ve had like, in years!” Brooke didn’t even stop eating to say it.

“You better tell me the only one better is your momma’s,” said Vanessa, going back to the groceries and keeping the façade, but she was already all mellow inside.

“Oh no, my mom is a terrible cook,” said Brooke, “it might be the best ever but I don’t trust my memory that much, especially my baby memory.”

Vanessa stopped sorting apples to look at her eating. It was sloppy, she was definitely too hungry, eating too fast. Would probably complain of heartburn in a few minutes. There was some sauce in the tip of her nose and Vanessa was in love with her.

The realization hit her like she had been trying to keep swimming against the current all this time and now she just let go and was carried by it, flowing like a leave, peacefully and yet without an ounce of control, fearing the moment that she would inevitably hit the rocks and it would become chaotic.

“How much am I allowed to eat?” asked Brooke, having finished her plate, unaware of Vanessa’s inner turmoil.

“No more fast-food and you can have as much as you want,” responded Vanessa in a robotic voice, her eyes glazed.

Brooke got up, stepped closer. “Are you okay?”

Vanessa looked up at her. _I love you_ she imagined herself saying, and it felt right. “You have sauce on your nose,” she reached up to wipe it with the tip of her finger and Brooke scrunched her face at the sensation. _Why didn’t we meet earlier?_ “I bought you something.”

“You bought me a lot of somethings,” said Brooke with a small chuckle, but the look of worry didn’t leave her face. “Thank you for that, by the way. I can pay you back-”

“No, not that,” said Vanessa, managing to come out of her trance, her heart still beating fast. “This,” she produced another bag from the floor and gave it to Brooke, who put it on the table to reach inside and lift out a baby’s dress, with a fluffy skirt decorated with black and yellow stripes. The top half was a bright yellow with cute little bees all around and in the chest the words ‘Bee kind, Bee you’ in bold letters. “Turn it around,” said Vanessa excitedly, and when Brooke did so she saw two little wings sewn onto the back of the dress, made of glittery fabric.

“Oh my God, this is the cutest thing,” gushed Brooke, “was it at the store? I didn’t see it.”

“Nah, it’s from somewhere else, don’t tell my boss,” joked Vanessa. What she didn’t say is that she looked for it for weeks, went into a lot of stores and online, going as far as to make some calculations on when the baby would be born and when it was supposed to be hot enough for dresses so she would get the right size. “It’s for Baby B, you know, Baby Bee.”

“Oh, that’s just adorable,” said Brooke. “I love it so much, thank you,” she said, pulling the brunette into a hug. A weird, baby-bumped hug, but an amazing hug nonetheless. Vanessa hugged her back with all she had, closing her eyes at the sensation and feeling guilty for it.

“I like you way better after you’ve eaten,” said Vanessa, pulling back and avoiding Brooke’s eyes. “I have to go, A’keria is having some boy trouble, you know how it is,” she rambled as she finished putting things away in Brooke’s kitchen. She was on the verge of tears and just needed to leave, probably call A’keria for real. “You eat your fruits and put some of those cookies in your purse so you don’t end up in the McDonald’s again. Put some of the stew on the freezer too so you can eat it later in the week.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Brooke. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem… off”

“Oh, it’s nothing I’m just tired,” Vanessa lied, already picking up her things to leave. “Someone was rude to me at the store, nothing new.”

“Okay then. Take care. Call me if you need me.”

“I will,” she responded, already opening the front door. “Bye.”

She didn’t wait to hear Brooke’s reply, just fast-walked to her car, driving a few blocks before she let the tears fall. In love. She let it get so deep that now she was fully in love with a woman she could never have. Brooke already had everything she wanted in life. To her, they were nothing more than friends and Vanessa felt so stupid for everything she had allowed herself to daydream. She stopped the car and ended up calling A’keria. She needed a drink.


	6. The "party"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke gets called out about her diet and Vanessa cooks for her, having a revelation about her deep feelings for the blonde. 
> 
> Ön this chapter: Brooke needs a friend, and calls Nina, who suggests she should meet this Vanessa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Meggie for betaing and for brainstorming with me <3
> 
> And thank you Writ for helping me not sound too stupid <3

“How do you have a crisis when you can’t fucking drink?” said Brooke on the phone.

“Brooke, are you okay? I’m kind of in the middle of something right now,” said Nina.

“I’m having a crisis and I can’t drink, I’m obviously not okay.”

“Yeah, but it’s not an emergency, right? Like, a hospital emergency? ‘Cause I have George over and we, hm...” Nina’s breath hitched.

“Nina, are you having sex?”

“No. I mean, not yet. But if you’re not having an emergency…”

“Hello, Brooke, this is George. Yes, we’re having sex. Nina will call you later.”

Brooke snorted.

“I’ll call you in like, half an hour? More like 45 minutes,” said Nina, taking the phone back. “Hang in there.”

“Come on, Nina, you deserve at least an hour,” said Brooke.

“Okay, I’m hanging up now.”

\--

Nina brought grape juice to pretend it was wine. It was very sweet and didn't help at all. But they sat down on Brooke's couch, and Nina listened as her friend poured her heart out, and that made up for what the lack of alcohol didn't numb.

"Wow, I've never seen you like someone this bad before," said Nina, way too happy about it.

"Thanks Nina, like I didn't already know that."

"I don't think it's such a bad thing as you're making it," said Nina, taking a sip of her juice out of the tall glass she had poured it into (to keep the fantasy, she said). "Love is a beautiful thing, and you don't know if she doesn't like you back."

"If she- Nina, for all I know she's straight, okay? And it doesn't even matter, I'm pregnant, very pregnant; I'll have a real living baby in a few months that will require my attention for every single thing she'll need to fucking stay alive, it's not like I can just ask Vanessa out on a date and then we'll take it from there. It would be asking too much from her, I don't have any right to do that. I'm not just me anymore, I'm a package deal," there were tears in the corners of Brooke's eyes but she was ignoring them. “And the worst part is that I know she loves the baby, I know she wants to be there for her, maybe for her entire life, and I don't want to ruin it because I'm hormone-horny or something, Bee doesn't deserve that."

"Bee?" asked Nina.

"Ugh, Vanessa called her that the other day and it's so cute, I can't stop doing it too," Brooke blurted out, hiding her face in her hands.

“I don’t get it, if you know she loves the baby, how is the baby an issue for you two being together?”

“Because being family is not the same as being a parent,” said Brooke, rubbing her face down. “And I don’t want my baby girl to lose someone because her stupid mom fucked things up. I can’t risk driving her away, I can’t. I need her. What do I do, Nina?"

"Oh, honey, I have no idea," said Nina sympathetically. She shuffled closer so Brooke could lay her head on her shoulder. "Maybe I should meet her. Then I could give you some real advice, tell you she isn't good enough for you and all," she joked, stroking Brooke's head fondly.

"You'll absolutely love her," said Brooke, smiling weakly.

"You know, for what it's worth, hormones can mess with your feelings, but they don't make them linger."

"I hate you, Nina," said Brooke sighing.

"I love you too, babe," said Nina, kissing the top of Brooke's head.

\--

Brooke organized an "I need help painting the nursery and assembling the crib" party, which was exactly what it sounded like. She invited Nina and Vanessa, who asked if she could bring A'keria too. It would be the first time Brooke saw A'keria since the constipation incident, something that she’d rather forget, even if it was what ultimately brought her and Vanessa closer.

In any case, Brooke was nervous, if not a little embarrassed, to see her again. A'keria, for her part, wasn't being all that helpful on making that feeling go away, if the way she had been looking at Brooke since she got there was any indication. It was like she was saying “you know what you did” with her eyes, except Brooke had no idea what she was being eye-punished for.

"So, hm, what do you guys think, should we do the crib first or the walls?" said Brooke nervously once the four of them gathered in the room.

"You're not doing anything, mama, the internet said you should not be that close to paint while pregnant," said Vanessa, fumbling with her phone.

"What? But it's water-based paint," protested Brooke. Vanessa looked at her pointedly, as if asking if she was really up to fight for it. "Oh come on, I can’t let you guys do everything, that would be very dickish of me!"

"Maybe we can make teams? Two of us can assemble the crib in the living room while two of us paint?" suggested Nina.

"But if we do that, will it fit through the door after?" asked A'keria. They all stared at the doorway as if the answer would manifest there somehow.

"Hm… probably?" said Nina. A'keria lifted her eyebrows at her.

"Ok, so the crib stays in the room," said Vanessa, "and the preggo stays out. Sorry," she complete with a shrug.

\--

When Vanessa called A’keria a few days ago, crying her eyes out about a girl, the black woman opened her arms for her like she did every time. She expected they would go out for drinks, Vanessa would rant, feel a little better, dance, maybe hook up with someone else, maybe not, and everything would continue its normal course.

She didn’t expect to find her friend so deeply in love, but Vanessa was always at a ten, so that part she could understand.

The pregnant part, though. That was really hard to swallow.

She remembered Brooke, of course she did. You don’t forget the blonde chick you picked up by accident at the mall who thought she was having a miscarriage but was just constipated. That was a story for a lifetime of Thanksgivings. She didn’t know much about her, however, which was odd seeing how much Vanessa cared for her and how much time they spent together. Vanessa was terrible at keeping secrets, so for her to keep silent about someone, it must be really important, or really fishy. The question was: which one?

So here she was, trying to decide if Brooke was taking advantage of Vanessa somehow, preying on her sensitive feelings or something. A’keria was a protective person, the kind that shoots first, asks questions later. She was already assuming the worst about the blonde, it was her nature. But it was really hard to keep it up as she helped the walls of the baby’s room transition into a warm peachy color, while Nina and Vanessa tried to decipher the crib’s instructions to put it together and Brooke sat outside by the door, having dragged a chair over and tied a cloth around her mouth like an old-west villain just so Vanessa would stop nagging her about it.

“It’s just something I think about, you know?” said Brooke, her voice slightly muffled, continuing with the conversation as A’keria came back from her thoughts. “What if she grows up and figures out she’s not a girl, will she hate all this? Her room, her toys, her clothes? Will she hate the pictures that I’ll love with all my heart just because I bought the wrong stuff?”

“But then again she might grow up and hate it all the same and be all “why didn’t I have a pink room like all the other girls?” You can’t know these things,” said Vanessa, twisting a screw into place.

“I think it’s important that you think about this and keep that in mind,” said Nina, trying to find the right position of a wooden rod into the structure they already assembled. “I mean, you can have pictures of her in more neutral clothes as a baby, and buy her toys that are traditionally boy’s as well as girl’s, and when she grows up, encourage her to do whatever she wants and talk to her about it. I think you’ll end up raising her in a queer environment anyway, because you’re a queer person, so don’t stress yourself about it. You just have to love her and let her love herself, you know what I mean?”

“And ignore her teenage years, ‘cause those are a nightmare no matter what,” A’keria chimed in, breaking the serious mood and making everyone laugh.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Brooke, “The stuff I have is not like, oppressively girly anyway, I think.”

“It’s not,” said Vanessa. A’keria wondered if she knew the baby’s wardrobe by heart. “Except that pink tulle flower dress?”

“Oh my god, she’s gonna look so adorable in that one!” gushed Brooke. She was caressing her own belly, probably unconsciously. “I can’t wait to see her little face.”

“She’s gonna be disgustingly cute,” said Nina.

“With Brooke as a mom? She’s gonna be like, a baby model,” said Vanessa. A’keria looked at Brooke then, watched her blush under her cloth, a smile reaching her eyes. “You know how babies are born kind of looking like a knee? Not her, bitch, she’s gonna be out ready for her close-up.” Brooke threw her head back in laughter. A’keria looked at Vanessa, who was so pleased by the reaction she was almost yelling by now. “‘Where’s my light? I don’t want no iPhone picture, I want a professional shoot, Mommy whaa.’” she mimicked a baby crying, and they all laughed, including A’keria, but no one more than Brooke. And even as it died down, she didn’t stop looking at Vanessa as they continued working. A’keria sighed, it would be so much easier if she could just hate her.

\--

They managed to assemble the crib. Brooke was wary, and there was some heated back and forth until Vanessa climbed inside of it just to show it wouldn’t come apart. Once the walls were also done, they opened a window to air it and removed the protective tapes and paper. Then they ordered pizza.

The mood was light, with A’keria no longer looking like she wanted to murder anyone and a nice sense of satisfaction after a job well done overcoming them. Even Brooke, who was feeling guilty about not doing anything, found solace in paying for the pizza and ordering extra bread, soda and some sort of chocolate cake to treat her friends. They were eating and chatting and everything was good and happy.

Then, Nina ruined it.

“So, Vanessa, do you have a boyfriend?” she asked, so fucking casually you wouldn’t even think she had secondary intentions. Brooke froze on the spot, a glass of Sprite halfway from the table to her mouth.

“What? Haha, no, no no no no,” Vanessa answered, looking everywhere but at Brooke, letting out an awkward laugh and looking like she would be happy if the floor collapsed under here right about now. “Definitely not. What about you?”

“Oh, I actually-” started Nina.

“Come out properly, why don’t you?” interrupted A’keria.

“They already know, Kiki,” said Vanessa, and it sounded an awful lot like “shut the fuck up”.

“Nina doesn’t, she just asked if you had a freaking _boyfriend_ ,” responded A’keria with a weird smile.

“What, what do I not know?” asked Nina eagerly, leaning in. Brooke could feel her heart in her throat.

“That I’m gay. She’s making a fuss over nothing,” said Vanessa annoyed, biting a slice of pizza like she didn’t just tilt Brooke’s entire world. “I thought Brooke told you.”

“Oh, Brooke did _not_ know that,” said Nina, smiling like she just won the lottery.

“Yes, she did,” Vanessa looked at Brooke, who was still holding her glass of soda midway in the air.

“I didn’t,” she muttered. “You never told me. I even thought you were kind of homophobic the first time I told you.”

“Jesus, this only gets better and better,” said A’keria, putting a hand on her own cheek in disbelief.

“Really? I’m sorry, Mami! I really thought you knew,” said Vanessa, “I mean-”

She was interrupted by Brooke’s loud gasp. The blonde looked down at her own belly, putting her glass back on the table before she pushed her chair back.

“What’s wrong? Brooke, what’s wrong?” asked Nina fearfully.

“The baby’s kicking.” Brooke looked up with an awed smile. Everyone was immediately on her, fighting to fit their greasy hands on her belly and feel the baby moving, the previous subject immediately forgotten.

“Come on, Baby Bee, kick us like you hate us,” shouted Vanessa.

“I can feel it!” said Nina, and everyone’s hands moved to where Nina’s was. She let go so A’keria and Vanessa could feel it too.

“Talk to her again,” said Brooke.

“Hey Bee,” said Vanessa.

A’keria gasped. “I felt it. Aw, she likes your voice, Vanj! She has to be the only one-”

“Shut up,” said Vanessa.

“She’s not,” said Brooke at the same time. She blushed, and Vanessa looked at her like she wasn’t sure she heard it right, but Brooke didn’t dare say it again. “Come on, Bee, say hi to your aunties,” she said to her belly instead.

“Yeah, Bee, I didn’t feel it yet,” said Vanessa. A’keria stepped aside to let her crouch beside Brooke. “Give me a high five! Or a high foot, i don’t know,” she started sliding her hand around in a small circle, a caress Brooke felt directly in her heart. “Ah! There you are!” she smiled widely, and so did Brooke.

They would have stayed like that if it wasn’t for the click of a camera.

“Shit, sorry, I forgot about the sound,” said A’keria, tapping hastily at her phone, but they all just laughed.

“Let me see,” said Vanessa getting up, and Brooke immediately missed the warmth of her touch.

A’keria turned her phone so Brooke could see it too. In the picture, she and Vanessa were looking at one another like the sun shone from each other’s eyes. If Brooke was bolder she would use it as her background.

“Send it to me,” she asked A’keria, who nodded and smiled at her, maybe for the first time.

Not long after, the girls went home. Brooke hugged them all at the door, thanking them profusely for everything, which they dismissed as if it was nothing. At the very last moment, Vanessa hesitated, like she wanted to say something, but she ultimately hugged Brooke one more time and went away to her car.

Brooke went into the nursery to close the window for the night. She turned the light on and stood in the doorway, holding her belly and looking at the peachy walls, the dresser, and the crib. She opened the closet and looked through the decorations that were stored there. She would eventually make a day of putting them in place carefully, but right now she was looking for something specific.

After she found it, she closed the window and went to look for some tape in the kitchen. She thought about it and decided for a hammer and nail instead, fixing it to the nursery’s door without much difficulty. She placed the wooden piece in place and took a step back to admire it.

A smiling yellow bee, to mark Bee’s room.


	7. So, Vanessa is gay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: with the help of some meddling friends, Brooke finds out that Vanessa is gay. 
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke is dealing with the feelings this recent discovery provokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you holtzmanns for the beta and the encouragement <3

_Vanessa is gay_ , thought Brooke as she did the dishes. _Vanessa is gay,_ she thought as she showered. _Vanessa likes women_ , Brooke thought as she drove home from work. _Vanessa’s not straight_ , she thought as she went to bed, only to spend the night dreaming of bronze skin and soft lips and being woken up by the odd sensation of someone nudging her to move, but from the inside, then being forced to change her position in order to be able to sleep again and come back to the dreams that would come to haunt her in the daytime.

Not that being with Vanessa was a new idea, far from it, but Brooke didn’t know how much she was clutching on the idea of her being straight to brush those thoughts off until it was stripped away from her. _She’s gay too_ , her mind supplied, _it might happen. She might like you._

And she couldn’t think about anything else.

It had been almost a week, and she was losing her mind.

Before she had gotten pregnant, Brooke was quite the lady-killer when she wanted to be. In her mid to late twenties, she had basked in it, sometimes enjoying the feeling of seducing women more than actually taking them to bed. Even as she grew older and discovered the delights of intimacy and care in addition to lust, she never lost the confidence she acquired in those early years, except she used it more often to facilitate her life at work or at the grocery store than really at the dating scene.

But now, it was completely different. She was different, inside and out. She had lost confidence in her looks, her walk, even the way she used to intimidate people. On the other hand, she discovered she was kinder than she thought, more patient, more careful, definitely stronger. She shifted her priorities and she liked her life way better now. Even if sometimes she felt too raw, too vulnerable, in ways she never thought even for a minute she would allow herself to become.

And Vanessa had seen all that. She had seen Brooke in ways no one else ever did. Hell, even if she just accounted for the crying, Vanessa was already at a record. And yet, she was still there, still smiling at Brooke every time she saw her, still cooking for her and caring for her, even when Brooke was in the worst mood, even when there was no reason to.

Vanessa loved Brooke.

But in what way?

 _It doesn’t matter_ , she kept repeating to herself, but the words didn’t register because it did, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. It mattered a lot, and it was complicated even if the answer was exactly what she wanted it to be. Because then, there were a whole lot of other things that she was forced to think about and a bunch of questions that she had to ask herself that were really uncomfortable.

Because even if she managed not to overthink about her pregnancy, even if she pushed aside her commitment issues, or what would be appropriate to ask from Vanessa even if they got together in the first place, or how they would manage not to get too intense too soon, because what was Brooke even expecting from her? What was Vanessa expecting? Even with all that pushed way back into her mind.

Then what about Bee?

What if they got together but broke up, would that feel like a divorce to Bee regardless? How bad would that be for her? What if Vanessa’s values about raising a child didn’t match with Brooke’s? Would Brooke have the last word by default? Would that be fair? Even further than that, would she ever risk sharing her legal parenting rights with somebody else? Even in a year, in five years? What would change if she didn’t? What would change if she did?

Brooke was startled by her front door opening. She had been staring at the TV while thinking about Vanessa, not paying one ounce of attention to what was being streamed while binge eating a truly sinful bag of caramel popcorn. She turned her head mid-chew to see Vanessa staring at her with pursed lips.

“What?” asked Brooke.

“Where did you get that? You’re supposed to be eating healthy,” said Vanessa, going to the kitchen to put away some things from a couple of grocery bags.

“I’m stressed out and I can’t drink, leave me alone,” responded Brooke. It was easy, seeing Vanessa walk around her house like she belonged there. Because she did. It was easy to see her walk through the front door without knocking or even sending a text of warning. It was easy to talk to her like this, not worrying if she was being polite or not, knowing Vanessa will still like her by the end of the day regardless. Everything was so easy she even forgot it was supposed to be complicated.

“Why are you stressed out?” asked Vanessa, coming to sit down next to Brooke and snatch some popcorn for herself. Brooke looked at her. She had her hair messily pulled up, probably didn’t even look at a mirror to do it. She was so fucking beautiful.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here?” she asked.

Vanessa smiled and shook her head. “You asked me to go shopping with you today, did you forget?”

“Fuck, I did,” Brooke let her head fall back in frustration.

“Don’t worry, Mama, we can go some other time,” said Vanessa, touching her arm. Vanessa touched her often, but it was the first time since Brooke allowed herself to think about her differently so freely.

“Maybe we could...” Brooke started, in a soft voice,” do something not baby-related?” she looked into Vanessa’s eyes. It had been so easy to ask.

“Yeah,” responded Vanessa. What was it on her face? Was she hopeful? Hesitant? Did she want to say no but didn’t have the heart to? “That’d be nice.”

Brooke left Vanessa in the living room to go change. She put some make-up on her eyes and it felt strange to try and look beautiful when she knew no one would pay attention to her face when she had a huge belly pulling the focus. But she did it anyway, wondered if Vanessa would notice, if she would like it.

When she made her way back, Vanessa had let her hair down, and it made Brooke’s heart flutter. They decided to go to the park, as it was a nice day out and it had been a while since one of them had been out in nature. It was a lovely idea until Brooke’s feet started to hurt merely 10 minutes in, and they spent the rest of the time sitting on a bench, talking and watching people pass by with their dogs and their strollers. As much as they tried, it was very hard for the conversation not to come back to the baby. It was everything in Brooke’s life now, and maybe a lot in Vanessa’s too.

“Is it weird if I ask about the donor you chose?” said Vanessa at some point.

Brooke shrugged. “I just chose someone who kind of looked like me. Not much to say there,” she watched as a couple walked by with a young kid on a bike. “I mean, I looked at all the health stuff and all, but in the end it was the looks that really made me choose. Maybe I would do it differently now, but like you said, she’s probably gonna be a mini me.”

“Why would you do it different now?” asked Vanessa. Oh shit, that had slipped out.

“Because it doesn’t really matter how she looks,” she responded. It was true, but it wasn’t the real answer. It’s amazing how sometimes you only realize something as you say it out loud. _If I did it now, maybe I would choose somebody that looks like you_.


	8. The third trimester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke realized the true depth of her feelings for Vanessa, but also considered all that is involved in their relationship.
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke enters her third trimester, the last three months of her pregnancy. That brings a lot of changes, and maybe not only in the way she expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love every single comment on this fic so, so much. Please keep them coming, you guys make me so happy and so proud of myself!

“Could you please work somewhere else?” said Brooke as she put a little pair of shoes, a jacket, and a set of bodysuits on the counter in front of Vanessa, who just chuckled. “Look at this, how can I not buy this?” she lifted the small jean jacket with the cutest expression.

“I wish I got a commission just so I could live the good life out of your compulsion,” joked Vanessa, “I’m gonna change the size of these, though, ‘cause you already have too much size 3,” she went to switch the bodysuits while Brooke kept talking.

“What do you think of Beatrice?” said Brooke.

“Who’s Beatrice?” asked Vanessa, confused, going back behind the counter to ring her up. 

“As Bee’s name,” said Brooke chuckling. 

Vanessa stopped what she was doing to look at her. “Really? You decided?”

“No, I’m asking for your opinion,” said Brooke. Vanessa almost couldn’t deal with the way she was smiling at her. “I kind of like Brielle too, but I think I like Beatrice better, I don’t know.”

“What’s with the B’s?”

“I can’t name her “Bee” now, can I?” said Brooke, smiling. “But I can get close, at least.”

Vanessa started tearing up. They had been calling the baby Bee for months now, and she was aware that it was a nickname she had coined, but she didn’t think Brooke would pick a name based on it. She didn’t dare believe she could be that important. 

“I really like Beatrice,” said Vanessa, sniffing. Brooke rounded the counter, still smiling, and gave her a hug, letting her cheek rest on Vanessa’s shoulder while the Latina buried her face on her neck. It lasted a long time, and it was the kind of hug that precedes a kiss, but they just pulled apart eventually and Vanessa went back to finish Brooke’s purchase.

\--

Brooke was in her third trimester now, which meant several big things. First, her doctor appointments were closer together, and the midwife was always talking about labor and baby positions and what she should be aware of if the baby decided to be born earlier, which was pretty scary. 

Second, she was huge. If she thought her belly was big before, it had nothing on this. It was hard to do anything and impossible to do some very simple things, the list growing day by day. She felt uncomfortable most days and sleeping was becoming a real task. 

The worst thing was not being able to dance anymore. She had been continuing with her classes during most of her pregnancy, even if lately she was taking it easy and sitting down to watch whenever she felt like it was too much. But now, it was completely out of the picture. Even turning around from her sink to the stove was a whole ordeal, let alone twirl at the rhythm of a song. 

She missed it a lot. The lack of dancing in her life wasn’t even making her grumpier, just point blank sad, even with all the baby stuff going on. Truth was, most of Bee’s things were already set. Now, Brooke just had to rest, take care of herself, and wait. And that was just too boring and anxiety-inducing at the same time. Curse her for being too prepared. 

So she buried herself in work, and most days afterwards, went to see Vanessa. It wasn’t the wisest decision, her feelings for her now so deep it was as if they were part of her basic functions. Like seeing Vanessa’s face was as necessary as breathing, and just as easy, just as part of her daily life. Sometimes, they spent the weekend together too, doing nothing much but enjoying each other’s company. 

Time went by without anything really happening between them. Brooke could never work herself up to do anything about it, even in the days in which she was so sure Vanessa’s feelings weren’t platonic. Their routine was comfortable, and she needed comfort right now. In the end, she had a big event to look forward to, probably the biggest thing that would ever happen to her, and she knew she needed Vanessa for that. She had her already, nothing had to change. 

“So, apparently she’s upside down already, that’s why my hips hurt all the time,” said Brooke one Wednesday afternoon in her 38th week. She was at the store, after her appointment, having decided to just take the day off. Her boss already tried to convince her to take her maternity leave, but she wanted to save that time to spend with her baby for as long as possible. 

“Fuck, you mean it’s anytime now?” asked Vanessa. They were speaking quietly at the counter, as a woman browsed the store while her toddler ran around. 

“Yeah,” said Brooke. She kept her eyes on the small boy, who was trying to take some hangers out of the racks just to toss them on the floor, but was a little too short and not coordinated enough to really succeed at it. “I mean, it could be in five minutes or three weeks, there’s no way of knowing. Ok, why can’t she just, control her kid or something?” she whispered as the boy managed to pull a hanger down and was now working on another.

“She’s trying to buy him a jacket, she can’t do both at the same time,” said Vanessa kindly.

“And you don’t mind?”

“This little guy? Nah, he’s small, it’s nothing.”

“I’m not gonna let Bee be like that,” said Brooke, serious. Vanessa scoffed. “What?”

Vanessa leaned down do murmur at her belly; “Do you think we should tape this for when you’re, like, two, so we can throw it back in your Mama’s face?” Brooke just rolled her eyes and smiled. “Oh, right, she’s upside down now,” Vanessa twisted herself so her head would be turned down, her hair falling luxuriously from the top of her head. “Right, Bee? Aren’t you gonna be the cutest little troublemaker?”

“You’re so stupid,” said Brooke with a chuckle. Vanessa got up with the cutest smile, combing her hair back in place with her fingers. Brooke wanted to kiss her, but she was already used to push that feeling down. 

“I think, hm,” Vanessa worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Would you mind if I slept on your couch?” 

“Huh? What’s wrong with your place?” asked Brooke.

“Oh, nothing, I, hm,” Vanessa looked down, putting her hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to leave you alone at night. In case something happens.” She looked back up into Brooke’s eyes. “Please, Brooke, I’ll be so worried.”

“Oh. Okay,” said Brooke. Only Vanessa could phrase it like Brooke was doing her a favor and not the opposite. “Thank you. Really.”

\--

Sometimes when Brooke got up at night and went to the kitchen for a glass of water, she forgot Vanessa was there. Until she got close enough to the living room and was flooded with her smell. It was one of the best sensations she ever had, like suddenly it was Christmas morning and all the gifts under the tree were yours. 

The brunette had been there for three days, and Brooke was already dreading the moment she would be gone. Which was very conflicting with the wish that the baby could just be born already! She was so excited and scared, but also so very tired. The ache and discomfort were constant, and she couldn’t really sleep anymore. Moving was hard and her feet swelled often. She felt bad for wanting it to be over, knowing she would miss it, but still. She even called to start her maternity leave the day before, unable to postpone it anymore. 

“Everything alright?” asked Vanessa’s sleepy voice. 

“Yeah,” responded Brooke softly, “I didn’t mean to wake you up, sorry. Just wanted some water,” she got in the kitchen expecting Vanessa to lay back down. Instead, she got up and turned the lights on. 

“You can’t sleep?” she asked, hair disheveled and rubbing her eye. Brooke smiled fondly.

“Not really, no,” she said, drinking her water, “too pregnant for that.”

“I’m sorry,” said Vanessa yawning, “is there something I can do?”

“Can you tell Bee I’m tired of carrying her around and it’s your turn now?” responded Brooke, walking back to her room, Vanessa on tow. 

“You heard your Mama, Bee,” said Vanessa, way too loudly already, “get the fuck out!”

Brooke laughed. “Could you imagine if I really got in labor now? I would tell her you said that for the rest of her life,” she said, laying back down. Vanessa helped her, sitting on the edge of the bed once she was settled down. “You can go back to sleep, I’m fine,” said Brooke, but reached for Vanessa’s hand, her body saying what her mouth couldn’t. 

“I’m up now,” Vanessa shrugged, “You want me to keep you company for a bit?”

Brooke nodded, shuffling on the bed to make space for Vanessa, who got under the covers with her and laid on her side, head propped up by the pillows. Brooke laid on her side too, and they looked at each other in the dim light of the bedside lamp.

“Are you scared?” asked Vanessa.

“So fucking scared,” said Brooke, tears immediately starting to pool in the corner of her eyes. ”I can’t even think about it too much, you know? Because what if-”

“Then don’t,” said Vanessa, reaching to take Brooke’s hand. “Everything will be fine. What did you put in her hospital bag? What clothes?” she asked excitedly.

“Do you remember the first thing I ever bought for her?” said Brooke, smiling softly. Vanessa shook her head. “It’s a white onesie, on the day I met you. I was kind of freaking out and I dropped it on the floor.”

“Oh yeah, I remember,” said Vanessa, her eyes lighting up with the memory. 

“There’s some other stuff, but I want that one to be the first one she wears,” said Brooke. Their hands were still joined, thumbs caressing each other’s knuckles gently. “I don’t know if I thank you enough, Vanessa. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Of course you could,” dismissed Vanessa.

“Maybe, but I didn’t have to,” said Brooke, serious. “I meant to do it alone from the beginning, but I wasn’t alone for most of it. You were always there for me, I-” she shifted, propped herself up on her elbow. “I’m so lucky to have met you, so lucky that you stuck with me even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“You always deserved it,” said Vanessa, propping herself up too, reaching to caress Brooke’s cheek. Brooke closed her eyes at the sensation. “You deserve so much.” 

Brooke opened her eyes. Vanessa was looking at her with a pained expression. Brooke took a deep breath. “I need to say something-”


	9. This is it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke is at the end of her pregnancy. Vanessa offers to stay with her in case something happens, and they have a tension-filled moment. 
> 
> On this chapter: big things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger on the last one guys, I couldn't resist!

“I need to say something-” said Brooke.

“I’m in love with you,” interrupted Vanessa. She motioned to take her hand out of Brooke’s face but Brooke held it there. Vanessa was breathing heavily, she didn’t know why she had to say it now when she managed to keep it in for so long. “I’m sorry. I-”

Brooke was looking at her, and she couldn’t keep talking. Her hand was still on Brooke’s face, held by her in a firm grip. The blonde leaned forward and Vanessa looked at her lips, her plump, tantalizing lips, so sure Brooke was going to finally, finally kiss her. Until she stopped midway. 

“Crap. I can’t actually reach you all the way,” Booke mumbled, squirming like a seal on land, not actually moving one inch. 

Vanessa snorted, tried to cover her mouth and hold it in, and ended up making a loud, pig-like sound. Brooke looked her in the eye and they both started laughing, wholeheartedly. Vanessa let go of Brooke as her head fell back into the pillow, her own face falling forward so her forehead rested against Brooke’s shaking shoulder. 

“I’m in love with you, too,” the words were said between one spasm of laughter and another, with Brooke still facing the ceiling.

Vanessa drew in a shaky breath, lifting her head up to look at Brooke’s beautiful smile. “Don’t play. Don’t say it because you think you have to.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t,” said Brooke and damn it, Vanessa believed her. “It’s just so complicated, I thought-” but Vanessa was kissing her before she could finish. Brooke’s words transformed into a pleased hum, and she tilted her head slightly to slot their lips together with ease as they moved them against each other. 

Brooke’s hands flew to Vanessa’s neck and shoulder as if she was afraid the brunette would suddenly pull away and wanted to make sure to keep her there. But Vanessa was addicted from the moment their lips touched, the softness of Brooke’s mouth contrasting with the passion that she was kissing back with. There was a tentative flick of tongue and a needy whimper in response, and suddenly the kiss was deep and languid, so much so that soon Vanessa had to pull back in order to breathe. 

“You’re so beautiful,” she said, caressing all the way from Brooke’s neck to her chest, letting her fingers slide under the strap of her camisole but stopping there. 

“If you want to keep going,” said Brooke, breathless, “keep going.” 

So Vanessa did, leaning in to kiss her again. It wasn’t long before they were naked and living up the months of pent up desire for touching each other like this, whispering the feelings both thought they would have to keep hidden forever. 

\--

The morning could have been sweet, with breakfast in bed and Brooke convincing Vanessa to call in sick, or at least get in a little late so they could spend a few more lazy moments in bed together. Instead, Brooke woke up feeling like her hips were being split in half, unable to hold in the whimpers of pain coming out of her, waking Vanessa up in the process, who immediately got up to get dressed.

“It’s no use,” said Brooke once she was able to speak again, the pain going away as swiftly as it came. “We have to time it. If we go too soon I’ll just have to stay in the waiting room for hours until it’s close enough.”

“What, so I just look at the clock and watch you suffer?” asked Vanessa, helping Brooke sit up. 

“Pretty much, yeah,” said Brooke, the fear, anxiety, and excitement all mixing up inside her. “Sorry.”

“No, baby, don’t apologize,” said Vanessa, kissing Brooke lovingly. “I just wish there was something I could do.”

“You’re here. It’s enough,” responded Brooke, kissing her again just because she could. “Hey, at least she didn’t interrupt us,” she chuckled. Vanessa pursed her lips at her, but ended up laughing too. 

Brooke took a shower, and so did Vanessa. They got dressed, ate, and discovered an app to make the timing of the contractions easier. When they had woken up, it wasn’t even light out, but by the time Vanessa had to leave for work, Brooke wasn’t even close to delivering the baby yet. The pain was there, sure, but it was too irregular and too far apart. Maybe even too weak, but she didn’t want to think too much about that. 

“Just go to work, it could even not be today,” pleaded Brooke, “you’ll just stay here looking at my face all day chewing your nails.”

“At least I’ll be looking at your face instead of doing it without knowing if you’re ok,” responded Vanessa, “no way, Jose, I’m staying put, Mama, you’re just gonna have to put up with me,” she said defiantly as she dialed her boss’ number to explain the situation. 

Nina showed up by the middle of the afternoon and so did A’keria a few hours later. It was a blessing to have her there to scoop Vanessa outside for a bit. Brooke kind of wanted to punch her by now, the whole situation too stressful for both of them to stay in for so many hours without a break. 

“So, you guys got together, huh?” asked Nina while Brooke paced around the living room with her hands supporting her lower back. She had her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail with wild strands flying all over and clothes with visible circles of sweat in several places.

“Yeah,” Brooke managed to smile weakly, “I think it hasn’t dropped yet, you know? With all of this going on, but yeah.”

“Yeah, talk about timing, huh Bee?” said Nina.

“They do say having an orgasm stimulates labor, so…” said Brooke, blushing.

“Oh!” said Nina, grinning, ”really? I would say that was fast but it really, really wasn’t.” 

“Well-” the pain started again, made everything else disappear. At this point, there was no way Brooke couldn’t scream. She held the couch’s armrest for dear life and waited for it to pass. It took forever, or only a few seconds, she couldn’t tell. She registered Nina rubbing her back soothingly only after it was over. Vanessa and A’keria were back in the room, Vanessa with her phone in hand looking like she’d been crying. “Please tell me we can go now.” Brooke pleaded. 

“Just two more, baby,” said Vanessa. Brooke groaned and started to cry, letting out a few sobs before forcing herself to hold it back. “But we can count those in the car. For sure, yeah. We can go now, let’s go,” Vanessa stepped forward and took Brooke’s face in her hands, kissing her salty cheekbone. “You wanna change or something? Maybe take another shower? Buy some time?” she asked, caressing Brooke’s hair back. 

Brooke nodded gratefully. She took her 5th shower of the day, washed her hair and let it air dry. She had another contraction while getting into the car. Vanessa got in the backseat with her while Nina drove and A’keria got in the passenger seat. They all tried to talk to her, distract her, but she couldn’t really focus on anything. She was scared, more than she had ever been in her entire life. 

Once they got to the hospital and she signed all that there was to sign, Brooke called her mom. She had already done that to tell her what was going on, but this time it was just for comfort. She stayed on the phone listening to her talk about how everything was going to be fine, and how everything was so much better now, that they didn’t have this or that back in her days. She said she had already booked a flight over, and Brooke felt calmer just knowing that. 

She wished she could say everything was a blur after that, but it wasn’t. Time dragged itself for a couple of hours still, the pain reaching unbelievable levels, to a point she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to endure much more. Nina and A’keria couldn’t go with her to the room, only one person could, so Vanessa did. She stayed through it all and answered the midwife’s questions when Brooke wasn’t able to; repeated the nurses' encouragements in words that Brooke would listen to better, adding her own mannerisms to it, sometimes crass, sometimes sweet, always just right. 

“Just one more push,” someone said, not for the first time. 

Then Brooke felt it. 

Then, she listened for it. 

Too long. Why was it silent? 

When the cry came Brooke burst into tears too. Vanessa was also crying, kissing her temple and hugging her head, saying how fucking brave and strong she was. A nurse approached her side, handing her her baby. Small, so small, a baby who just now was inside her and now was here, screaming from the top of her tiny little lungs. The nurse was telling her things about nursing but she was only half listening, half following instructions to let the baby latch and feed, wincing at the sensation but not minding it one bit because she was in awe, completely mesmerized by this tiny little creature in her arms that was so perfect. 

There were congratulations and movement, people saying things to her that she trusted Vanessa was listening. At some point, the baby stopped nursing and fell asleep. Brooke told the nurse, so she could take her and do the examinations she knew were needed. 

“You think I could take a little nap?” she asked Vanessa, her voice hoarse. 

“Yes,” Vanessa nodded, still crying silently. “Of course you can, boo. Rest, you did so good,” she caressed Brooke’s face lovingly.

“You’ll look after her?” 

“I won’t leave,” Vanessa promised, kissing her softly. When she pulled back, Brooke followed, lifting her chin to get another, sighing when Vanessa obliged. 

Brooke relaxed then, blinking at Vanessa a couple more times before she was fast asleep.


	10. Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Vanessa and Brooke finally got together! Bee is Born, and Vanessa was there for the whole thing!
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke's Mom is staying with her and has been a huge help, but she may be unintentionally getting in the way of her daughter's freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Meggie for the beta <3

Nina went to Brooke’s house to visit her and the baby. She had been at the hospital and all, but that had been all over the place, and she cried during most of it. Now, a few days later and on a weekend, it was supposed to be much easier. Brooke would be calmer, hopefully less stressed out and without any major pain, the baby would be already settled and Nina would be able to spend some quality time with them. It was going to be a much better memory!

She went up Brooke’s porch with a big bag of presents for the baby. She got a little overexcited at the Disney online store and bought a big Pluto plush toy together with a few very cute baby princess outfits that were just to die for. She didn’t have time to ring the bell, though, before the door was opening and Brooke was throwing herself in her arms for a hug.

“Nina! I’m so happy you’re here, so so happy!” said Brooke. Nina hugged back on instinct, pretty shocked for this display of affection from her usually pretty chill friend.

“I’m happy to see you too,” she said, kind of moved. “Is everything okay?”

“You have to get my mother out of the house,” said Brooke, holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes like it was a matter of life or death. “Do your charming thing and convince her to do something, anything, somewhere else for an hour. Or more. Please, Nina, I’m begging- Hey Mom, this is Nina, remember her?”

Brooke’s mother appeared beside her. How could Brooke tell she was arriving, Nina had no idea, but she changed her whole demeanor in time to introduce both of them politely before actually letting Nina inside the house.

“I brought gifts,” said Nina awkwardly, lifting her sparkly Mickey bag while she was guided to sit on the couch. Brooke shushed her, gesturing at the cradle set up at a shaded corner of the living room. “Oh, sorry,” she said quietly, “is she sleeping there?” she approached to peek, feeling her heart melt at the sight of the small baby sleeping in a light yellow onesie. “Oh my god she’s even cuter than I remember!”

“Isn’t she precious?” said Brooke by her side with a fond smile. “Come on, sit down. It’s easier to put her down in the living room during the day, otherwise I just kept going into the bedroom to check on her all the time.”

“I can’t blame you,” said Nina. “I already want to look at her again,” she said, sitting with her friend and giving her the gift packet.

“Nina, you really didn’t have to,” said Booke, “you already got her a bunch of things.”

“And I’ll probably keep doing it, so get used to it,” she responded playfully.

“Oh, this is adorable!” Brooke said, discovering all of Bee’s new costumes. “Who’s this one supposed to be?”

“Elsa,” said Nina, “she’s new, from the _Frozen_ movie. I mean, new for us. You’ll probably watch it a thousand times eventually.”

“Brooke Lynn, sweetie, don’t you think she’s cold?” asked Brooke’s mom, peering down into the cradle. Brooke closed her eyes briefly before answering.

“Mom, you can’t put a blanket over her.”

“Oh, why not?”

“Because she can suffocate, we already talked about this a million times.”

“You slept with a blanket when you were little and nothing happened, except you didn’t get a cold like your daughter will,” argued Jean. Nina watched the polite, whispered fight go down awkwardly from her place on the couch with Pluto on her lap.

“I’d rather risk the cold, thank you,” said Brooke with finality. “No blankets.”

Jean walked away making a noise as if to say “this is not over, young lady.” Nina saw her going to the bedrooms with a laundry basket a moment later, and looked back at Brooke, who was fidgeting with one of the dresses, looking down.

“I’m so glad she came, Nina,” said Brooke, even more quietly than they were already speaking. “Truly, I am. It’s been hard and she has helped me so much. But she’s driving me fucking crazy!” she finished with a manic expression, letting the dress go as if she was afraid she could tear it apart. “It’s been like this all the fucking time.”

“Oookay,” said Nina, reaching to touch Brooke’s arm in a (hopefully) comforting gesture. “I’m going to help you, okay?” Brooke looked at her like a kicked puppy and Nina didn’t even know how she would convince a grandmother to leave her daughter and infant granddaughter alone to go out with a complete stranger, but she was going to do it. “Are you going to be okay by yourself, though? Where’s Vanessa?” she almost regretted asking, Brooke’s face going dark immediately.

She let out a deep sigh before replying. “Since my mom’s here, you know,” Brooke shrugged. “It would be a little weird for her to stay over, I guess? I would have to introduce her as my girlfriend and we just got together.” She rubbed her face down. “It’s complicated. We didn’t even get a chance to talk about it much, but she has been kind of, I don’t know, too polite?”

“I’m sorry,” said Nina, sympathetically, “but it’s just because of the parent situation, right?” she said, mumbling the world ‘parent’ at the corner of her mouth, making Brooke smile.

“I think so?” said Brooke. “To be honest I’m dead tired, there isn’t much space for overthinking.”

Nina laughed lightly. “That’s good, at least.”

\--

Vanessa missed Brooke terribly, but she also understood she had no reason to keep coming over to her house when her mother was already there to help her 24/7. She visited, sure, almost every day, but it was always short and nothing like it had been before. Almost like a supervised date in high school, which was an odd comparison considering everything, but it was what it felt like.

So when Brooke texted her one Sunday afternoon asking if she could come over, Vanessa was there in record time. She had been moping around her house lamenting the fact that it had no one for her to take care of, baby or grown up, thinking about Bee’s cute little face and if Brooke was eating right, and totally not wondering when would they be able to be alone again.

She rang the doorbell, something that still felt weird no matter how many times she did it. Jean was such a lovely lady, Vanessa felt so guilty for wishing her to just go home already. Brooke opened the door and pulled her inside, immediately kissing her on the lips. Vanessa melted into it for a minute before she pulled back, startled.

“Your mom,” she said, having teenager flashbacks.

“She’s not here,” said Brooke, already leaning down again, but Vanessa leaned back.

“What do you mean she’s not here?”

“Nina took her shopping or something,” responded Brooke.

“Oh, Saint Nina,” said Vanessa, wrapping her arms around Brooke’s shoulders and kissing her again. Brooke kissed back passionately, pushing her against the wall and pressing their bodies together. They hadn’t really touched since their night together before the birth and had been starving for each other, and even if Brooke still had a soft round belly, it was a much easier experience for both of them to feel one another like this.

Vanessa was starting to consider letting her hands roam a little more freely when the unmistakable sound of a newborn baby softly whining made itself known. They froze, staring at the cradle with their fingers mentally crossed, hoping Bee would just fall asleep again. But no luck, a full on cry soon followed and Brooke sighed, letting her forehead rest against Vanessa’s for a second before she detangled from her.

Vanessa went to the cradle while Brooke sat down, propping some pillows under her arm and lowering one side of her tank top while Vanessa picked the baby up to bring her over.

“Hi, Bee,” said Vanessa, “I missed you. Yes, I did. I know, you’re hungry, aren’t you?” She held the little girl against her chest and kissed her head, walking to the couch to hand her to Brooke, who was smiling fondly at them. “It’s okay, your Mama got the good stuff for you right there.”

The minute Bee felt the nipple in her crying little mouth, she stopped wailing to suckle fervorously, like she hadn’t eaten in a month, when in reality it probably hadn’t been even a couple of hours. Brooke adjusted her position, frowning and trying to hide the grimaces she wanted to make as Bee nursed.

“It still hurts?” asked Vanessa, sitting down close to her, caressing her hair and watching the baby feed, wishing there was something she could do to help.

“Yeah,” said Brooke, leaning onto Vanessa’s touch, managing to relax slightly. “But it’s better. I’m getting used to it, I think.”

“Have you tried that plastic thingy? The one you put around the nipple?”

“No,” said Brooke, “I don’t think I know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m sure I saw it somewhere,” Vanessa made a motion to get up and look for it, but Brooke held a hand to her arm.

“You can look for it later,” she said, “stay here.”

Vanessa felt her insides melting into a goo. She leaned over to kiss Brooke softly before she resumed her caresses on her hair and leaned her head on her shoulder, lightly, looking down at Bee. She was getting sleepy and Brooke had to keep waking her up so she would eat enough; it was adorable.

“I can’t get over how cute she is,” said Vanessa.

“Me neither,” said Brooke. “It’s so weird to think that she was inside my belly like, ten days ago.”

“Tell me about it!”

“In the first few days I had to keep repeating to myself that she was Bee,” said Brooke, Vanessa shifted to rest her head on the couch so she could look at Brooke’s face. “And it felt so wrong not to have her inside me anymore. I felt so empty.” She had a small smile on her face, but there were tears on the corner of her eyes too. “You think that’s bad? Kind of crazy?”

“No, I don’t.” Vanessa actually had no idea, but she made sure to sound certain because she knew it was what Brooke needed. “You feel what you feel. You only have to worry about this kind of stuff if it stays in your head for too long. Besides, look at her. You love her, and take care of her. You’re fine, both of you.”

Brooke nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re amazing,” said Vanessa, kissing her again, this time lingering a little bit.

Eventually, Bee ate enough that she didn’t want to wake up anymore, but they stayed put, talking quietly and exchanging tiny little kisses. But it wasn’t long until the door opened, and Vanessa removed her hand from Brooke’s hair, picking Bee up to change her diaper in the bedroom.

“Hey guys,” said Nina, helpfully loudly before the door was even fully opened.

“Hey, did you have fun?” said Brooke, already sounding much calmer than when they left.

“Oh, honey, you’re leaking,” said Jean, gesturing at Brooke’s boobs. She looked down to see that, indeed, her tank top had two damp circle stains.

“Oh. It’s fine, happens all the time,” said Brooke to Nina, going to her bedroom to change. In the meantime, the two older ladies settled their bags on the kitchen counter and Vanessa came back from Bee’s bedroom, holding the sleeping baby in her arms to put her down in the living room.

“Hi Nina, Hi Jean,” she said passing.

“Oh, hello Vanessa,” said Jean, surprised to see her.

Vanessa put Bee down, staying for a few moments just to stare at her. She was sleeping soundly, so damn cute. She took a picture, very similar to several others she already had on her phone, but she just couldn’t resist. She turned around looking at her phone, smiling softly, but when she looked up she was met with Nina’s wide eyes staring at her chest. She looked down and saw two very clear stains around her boobs, probably a result of when she and Brooke were pressed together earlier, none of them paying enough attention to see the dampness on Brooke’s clothes that would transfer to Vanessa’s while they made out.

She covered her chest with her arms and looked back at Nina, silently asking for help, but she was covering her mouth and holding her stomach as if trying to contain a huge laughter. Vanessa pursed her lips and glared at her, which only served to make Nina look like she was going to laugh ever harder. What the hell was she going to do?

Brooke came back to the room with a new shirt on, none the wiser. Vanessa made a beeline for her before she could reach the kitchen to help her mom out, still hugging her own chest, hoping she would have a similar top to lend her, at least of the same color so it wouldn’t look so suspicious if she suddenly showed up with new clothes all of a sudden. But before she could reach her, Jean turned to them and started talking. Vanessa very inconspicuously sat down on the couch, fishing her phone so she would have an excuse to lean forward and keep her arms in front of her. God, this was mortifying.

“Brooke, darling, Nina and I were talking,” said Jean.

“You were?” said Brooke, looking at Nina who still hadn’t recovered, but managed to flash a thumbs up behind Jean’s back.

“Yes, she was telling me about all the support you’ve had from all you wonderful friends,” Jean continued. “And I was telling her about the work I do at the library back at home and she gave me the most wonderful ideas, it got me so excited. I know I’ve told you I would stay at least until the 30th, but you seem so put together, love.” She got close to Brooke to take her hands, “I love being here with you and little Beatrice with all my heart, and if you say you still need me I will stay for as long as you want without batting an eyelash. But I would love to go back to my books, and to go back to us not fighting everyday.”

“Oh, Mommy,” said Brooke, enveloping her in a hug. “I love you so much. You’ve helped me so much, of course you can go. I got it, I have Vanessa and Nina, we’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry-” said Jean.

“No, no, don’t be,” said Brooke, pulling back to look at her face, smiling. “I’m happy. I know you’re not abandoning us. You already did more than I asked for, really.”

“Alright, sweetie, I wouldn’t be saying this if I wasn’t sure you are going to be perfectly fine,” said Jean, putting her hand on Brooke’s cheek affectionately. “I’m going to fold the laundry. We’ll see about the details later.” She walked away, and Brooke waited for her to be out of sight to run to Nina enthusiastically, but to her surprise her friend stepped back.

“Oh no, don’t hug me,” said Nina laughing.

“What?” asked Brooke, confused. Nina pointed at Vanessa, who leaned back from her place on the couch and pointed at her tits, that were stained too deeply for it to be a result of a simple hug. “Oh my god,” said Brooke, covering her mouth but also chuckling.

“So funny when it’s not you,” said Vanessa. “This is bullying is what it is. Now I have to leave before your mom comes back and sees it. That’s not fair, I like being here, you know.” She rambled as she walked to the door, arms crossed in front of her.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” said Brooke following her, still laughing a little. “Don’t leave, we can come up with something, maybe I can pour juice over you and then I’ll lend you a shirt.”

“Did you get that idea from a porn movie, Mary?” asked Vanessa unamused. Nina burst into laughter. “I’m embarrassed enough, thanks,” she opened the door to leave, but not before having a quick glance to the hallway and giving Brooke a peck of goodbye. “Bye Miss Nina, bye little Bee, I’ll be back.”

Then went back to the couch, Brooke’s heart full. She would definitely buy Nina something Disney special collection, or make a nice donation to a charity in her name—she deserved it, what she did today was nothing short of magic. Brooke was relieved, but also a little scared. Bee and she would be alone now, completely alone for the first time since she was born. It wasn’t unexpected, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying.

But Nina was still laughing, “if you guys ever get married, I’m going to tell this story at your wedding.”


	11. A little prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke's Mom gets in the way, but Saint Nina comes to the rescue and all is set to go back to normal.
> 
> On this Chapter: The girls are setting into a new routine and some feelings arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to put it in the previous chapter note, but I'm not 100% sure Jean is real-life Brooke's Mom's name, so forgive/correct me if I'm wrong.
> 
> Thank you Holtzmann for the beta <3

Bee slept a lot. Not for long each time, but for a good portion of the day if you took it all into account. She usually woke up to eat or cry, so when she had her little glazed eyes opened without making a fuzz, it was a pretty special moment. Or at least that's what Brooke thought.

They were both lying on Brooke's bed, Bee's tiny figure over a colorful, zoo-themed blanket, the baby herself dressed in a purple bodysuit that was a little too big on her, her legs bare from when Brooke had just changed her diaper, a minute ago.

Brooke was lying on her side, head propped up on her elbow, looking down at her baby daughter with an unshakeable smile. She was talking nonsense to her in the dumbest baby voice, but she couldn't help it. It was just a repetitive rambling about how cute she was, over and over again. How cute her face was, and her round little belly, and her tiny little nose, and how Brooke was entirely sure there was no baby in this entire world cuter than her.

Bee had her tiny hand gripping Brooke's index finger in what was no doubt an instinctive reflex, but it was melting the new mother's heart regardless. Brooke's other hand was gently caressing her little feet, that were kicking restlessly, her legs still not very chubby as she was still too small to have built much fat tissue, but they were incredibly adorable anyway.

Bee's eyes were gray, in a glazed sort of way, but Brooke could already tell they would be of a light color, probably blue, maybe even grayish, like hers. She barely had any hair on the top of her head, but the few she did were so light they were almost white, barely showing against the fair tone of her skin. She had a few blotches of red in a few places on her body, like the juncture of her knees and on one side of her cheek, that looked almost like allergies, but Brooke was assured it was perfectly normal for newborns to have those, they should be gone in a few weeks.

When Brooke's mom was still in town, she had proudly shown everyone an old photo of Brooke as a baby just to prove how alike the two of them looked, even if Bee was still too small compared to her mother at the time the picture was taken. Brooke asked to keep the photo, and was planning to take one as similar as possible when Bee reached the same age. She couldn't believe how sappy she was becoming.

Bee started to whine, so Brooke picked her up and began to walk around, still talking, slightly moving up and down as she did. It reminded her of dancing, so she went to the living room and put some music on, not too loudly, and started moving side to side gently with Bee as her partner, singing along to her.

"Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart and I will love you," she sang, smiling down and kissing the top of Bee's head.

She kept going, at some point picking up her phone to record a short video in selfie mode, no singing, just the two of them dancing. It was supposed to be just for her but she ended up sending it to Vanessa after Bee started whining again and they sat down to nurse. She left the music on.

\--

Vanessa never hated her work more than she did at the present moment. She had never watched the clock with the same obsession that she had right now, not even in her teenage years when she worked at the corner store with that asshole of a boss who liked to make regular comments about her ass.

Not that the customers were impossible, or the management insufferable, or her hours too tiring, or the labor too stressing. It was simply because of the fact that she had to be there. Just that. At this point, she didn't care if Beyonce herself walked through the Carter's doors and asked to talk to her personally, she would still rather be at Brooke's.

The little video she received earlier in the day was sent with the intent to make her smile, she knew that, but it had only made her heart heavy with the weight of how much she was missing. She was there almost every day and still, she was missing so much, too much, everything.

She missed them in the morning, dinner was not enough anymore. She missed hearing Bee crying in the middle of the night and saying "I got it" so Brooke could sleep a little more, helping with bathtime and random chores was not enough anymore. She feared the day Brooke would tell her something like "you'll not believe what she did today, I'm so proud", and Vanessa wouldn't have any right to feel lost about not witnessing whatever that would be, because love them as she did, she was not part of the family.

They were her fantasy at first, and she let them become everything in her real life. Now, she had to deal with the fact that she was not a part of it, not a piece of the puzzle as much as she was a supporting block. She was important, she was loved, but she wasn't _them_. _They_ weren't _us_.

"Welcome," she said robotically as the doors opened, still spaced out and frankly not giving a fuck.

"Hi," said a familiar voice, making Vanessa turn to see Brooke carrying the tiny package that was her little Bee.

"What are you doing here?" said Vanessa, already cooing as she rushed to peek under the blanket at Bee's sleeping face.

"Visiting," said Brooke. "Turns out someone doesn't like car trips _at all,_ " she continued, handing Bee over for Vanessa to hold. She woke up briefly but after a few sways and shushing, she fell asleep again.

"Thank you," said Vanessa softly, tilting up her chin to ask for a kiss that Brooke gave to her gladly.

"I was a selfish decision, really," said Brooke smiling. "I was feeling pretty lonely. And bored."

"You should sleep, you know," said Vanessa, still swaying, unconsciously.

"I try, baby, but most times, by the time I got my eyes shut she's up again, so it isn't really worth the hassle. It just makes me more tired," argued Brooke. "Plus, I thought it'd be nice to get out of the house for a bit."

"I missed you," Vanessa sighed.

Brooke smiled. "Stay over this weekend," she had been adamant about Vanessa not staying over in workdays, saying there was no reason for her to have a shitty sleep then having to work all day. "I know it's not the most romantic or ideal-"

"I'd really love to," responded Vanessa, "you know I would've stayed every day if you didn't kick my ass out to the curb." Brooke pursed her lips at her as if to say she knew it wasn't like that. Vanessa knew, so she just smiled with her tongue between her teeth. "Did you hear that Bee? We're gonna have a sleepover!"

Vanessa lifted Bee's hand in a gentle victory motion. "Thank you, Mommy," she said in a high pitch voice. Bee squirmed, and Vanessa started to shush her again while Brooke laughed.

\--

Friday night was not very different than any other night, except after they moved the cradle from the living room to the side of Brooke’s bed, swaddled little Bee and put her down to the night, Vanessa didn’t leave. Instead, she did the dishes while Brooke took a shower. Everything was as domestic as it ever was, and as much as she had some ideas about being there all night, she knew the reality would be restless sleep and more domesticity.

After she was done in the kitchen, she changed and went to bed, the clock barely hitting 9:30. Brooke was dead tired, but Vanessa noticed she put on a nice cetin babydoll set as she climbed under the covers with her. Not sexy or particularly provocative, but nice enough that Vanessa knew it wasn’t her usual choice of nightwear.

Brooke kissed her before she could say anything, and Vanessa melted into it. They had been kissing, sure, little pecks here and there that sometimes lingered, sometimes escalated for a few more seconds, but nothing like this. Vanessa missed it, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t want it to go on, but she also knew Brooke was tired, still healing, and probably doing this more for her sake than because she really wanted too. Vanessa pulled back, but Brooke just moved to suck on her neck.

“Baby,” said Vanessa, “I know you’re tired. It’s fine if we just sleep.”

“You take such good care of me,” said Brooke, propping herself up to look at Vanessa. “I want to take care of you too.”

“I take care of you because I love you,” said Vanessa, running her fingers through Brooke’s hair. “No strings attached.”

Brooke closed her eyes and nuzzled in the crook of Vanessa’s neck, but didn’t resume her kissing, making herself comfortable in a cuddle instead. “I love you too. It feels like we’ve been together for such a long time,” said Brooke.

“It feels like that for me too,” said Vanessa. “Maybe because we danced around it for so long. I was in love with you long before we first kissed, it’s not how it usually goes,” she chuckled lightly.

“Tell me about it,” responded Brooke. “Usually the baby comes way after too,” she said, but Vanessa couldn’t laugh at that, it hit too close to some real issues. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, I- I think we should talk about that,” said Vanessa quietly.

“Okay,” said Brooke, pulling back from Vanessa so she could lay on her side of the bed and they could look at each other. She looked nervous, almost afraid, but Vanessa was scared too.

“I don’t even know where to start,” said Vanessa with a weak smile.

“Me neither,” said Brooke. “I never had a relationship like this before, you know, this dynamic we got going on. But I’ve never also- just loved someone like I love you either. Not even close.”

“Me too,” said Vanessa, shifting closer, taking Brooke’s hand to kiss it. “Me too, and not only you, Bee too. But I’ve never dated a parent before, not even with grown kids, not even a first date or nothing, I don’t know what is too much or anything. And even if I had, I mean, I knew you before Bee, kind of, right? It’s not the same.”

“Yeah, I think. I have no idea either,” laughed Brooke. “We’re up to a good start.”

“I just don’t want to step over any boundaries,” said Vanessa.

“What do you mean?” asked Brooke, frowning.

“I don’t know, what if I end up doing something without asking and piss you off ‘cause it was not my right?” said Vanessa. It was not like she could think about an example to explain her feeling better, but she was constantly holding herself back, afraid, hesitant.

“I can’t imagine you doing anything to make me think that,” said Brooke. “What I can imagine though, is asking too much of you and you feeling like we’re less girlfriends and more like…”

“Wives?” completed Vanessa with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah,” said Brooke sheepishly, “but not in a good way.”

Vanessa sighed. “You got it all wrong. I think I don’t do as much as I could, and that you thank me too much.”

“I thank you too much?” asked Brooke incredulously.

“Yeah, it’s too damn polite,” said Vanessa. “I wish you were so used to having me around you forgot about it, that it didn’t feel like I was doing you favors anymore.”

“Vanessa, you don’t have to do any of these things. I love having you around and would love it even if you didn’t lift one finger. I appreciate your help so, so much, but that’s not why I love you,” said Brooke. “I made the decision to have a baby by myself, it’s not fair-”

“Yeah, that’s what you’re not getting,” interrupted Vanessa. “You ain’t asking me for nothing. I’m doing it because I want to, and I want it so badly, Brooke, you have no idea. But you did make a decision to do it alone, and what is really not fair is me wanting to change that, not you allowing me to help. Because, see, helping is not-” she stopped talking. It was too much. There were tears blurring her vision and what she was about to say was not something she was planning to say at all. She didn’t even know she wanted to say it in the first place before it started coming out of her mouth. But it was too much.

“What is it? Tell me,” said Brooke, but Vanessa shook her head. “Baby, you don’t have to help me anymore, I know it’s a lot.”

“No, please,” said Vanessa, unable to keep the sobs down now. “I’m sorry, I want to keep doing it, please let me,” she pleaded desperately, pressing her face in the pillow next to Brooke’s neck, giving her a half-hug.

Brooke gave out a shaky sigh. “What’s wrong?” she asked, rubbing Vanessa’s back.

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” said Vanessa, wiping her face and leaning up to press a tiny kiss on Brooke’s lips. “Let’s just sleep, okay?”

“Vanessa…”

“We can talk more tomorrow,” she said, caressing Brooke’s cheek, ”when we’re not so tired. I promise.”

“Okay,” said Brooke reluctantly. Vanessa lay down next to her, trying to brace herself for the restless night in front of them, trying to force back down the feelings that were bubbling up inside her and just rest.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Vanessa realizes she wants to play a bigger role in Brooke's family, but doesn't have the guts to say it out loud. 
> 
> On this Chapter: Vanessa takes some steps to try and take control of her own life again, and it leads Brooke into a bad spiral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for it to be that angsty, sorry guys, it will be over soon!

Vanessa called A’keria at midnight on a Sunday, which was as good an indication that she was going through something as any, even before A’keria picked up and heard her slurred voice with the background noise of what she deduced was a bar.

“Vanj, don’t you have to work tomorrow?” she said, already up to a good start. This wouldn’t be worrying for Vanessa a year ago, but Vanessa these days? She barely even went out anymore, let alone drunk-call her friend on a work night.

“I love her so fucking much, Kiki.” Vanessa didn’t say hello either, and by the sound of it, she was already crying or just about to. “I don’t think I can live without her, I really don’t think I can.”

“Did she break up with you?”

“What? Who are you talking about?” asked Vanessa confused.

“Brooke. Who are you talking about?” asked A’keria back, even more confused.

“Bee,” said Vanessa as if it were obvious.

“ _The baby?”_ asked A’keria, getting up from her bed. She was going to need to pace to have this conversation. “You’re freaking out about the baby? What the hell, Vanjie?”

“Why are you judging me?” whined Vanessa. “You think I’m not allowed to love her either, right?”

“What? No-”

“‘Cause I’m not. I should not. She’s not my child, she’ll never be.” Vanessa started to fully sob now.

A’keria sighed heavily. “Fuck, V. This would be easier if it was just a break-up,” she mumbled to the phone. “Look, maybe you’re just spending too much time there. Actually, you spend all of your free time there. Let’s do something this week, alright? How about that? We could watch a movie after work or something.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” said Vanessa sniffing.

“Let’s start there then,” said A’keria, “just that.”

“Okay. Thank you, Kiki.”

“You’re welcome, baby.”

\--

Vanessa started coming over less. Brooke had thought it would be fine, but it wasn’t. She smiled and said she was okay, put up a composed exterior but in reality, it was killing her inside. It wasn’t even the workload of being the single mother of an infant daughter, though that was a bitch and a half; no, she could tell Vanessa was keeping something from her and that’s what was really driving her crazy.

After their heart to heart where Vanessa cried and wouldn’t tell Brooke why, the blonde had gone over their conversation a thousand times, trying to understand where it came from. The hassle over a night with a small baby made them lose their rhythm and exhaust themselves by the time morning came, and the conversation was never finished. So Brooke was left with her memories to try and pick apart what was eating her girlfriend inside, but the more she tried to understand it, the more her mind came up with wild possibilities and she just couldn’t be 100% sure.

Then, Vanessa started distancing herself. It was fine, it was good. Brooke had said in pretty clear words that she was under no obligation to help with anything, she was free to do whatever she wanted. Brooke missed her the second she was gone, as if just knowing she wouldn’t come over the next night was enough to make the following day unbearable. It wasn’t just harder, it was overwhelming, and she didn’t even feel like she could vent about it without making Vanessa feel guilty that she wasn’t there. So, she worked through it. Vanessa came on most days, helped with most things, but not every day anymore, not with everything. It was horrible. Brooke smiled.

The work got easier, but the weight of Vanessa’s absence did not. Brooke found the hard way that one thing nobody talks about in motherhood is the loneliness. She was lonely, her mind was left to wander and it didn’t go to nice places. She started asking herself where did Vanessa go when she wasn’t there and the more she thought about it the more suspicious she got, the more unlikely the possibility that she just went home seemed. She got jealous and paranoid. That’s when she started noticing the phone.

About three weeks after their first sleepover, it was the first time Brooke noticed Vanessa fumbling to hide her phone as she approached her. She had been stirring a pot on the stove and looking at her phone, so focused she didn’t notice Brooke coming from behind to hug her, and she ended up accidentally startling Vanessa into hurriedly hiding the device away. The brunette only relaxed into the touch when she was sure it was out of view. After that, Brooke couldn’t stop noticing her doing it whenever she came near. At home, when she visited her in the store, even in bed.

Now, Brooke had never been the jealous type, had despised it even, broke up relationships because of it more than once. But Vanessa’s distance and the suspicious behavior around her phone was something she just couldn’t ignore. Plus, she was feeling a little hurt about the lack of physical relations between them. They hadn’t had sex since before Bee and she couldn’t help but think it was all connected.

But shit only really hit the fan when she managed to get a peek into Vanessa’s screen, in a swift movement that was maybe a bit on the side of pathetic but undoubtedly efficient. She managed to see the picture of a pregnant woman before Vanessa pulled the device away from her gaze.

“What the hell?” asked Vanessa, leaning away from Brooke from her place on the couch. Brooke had been sitting on the floor next to Bee, who was laying on a play mat, having suddenly jumped on her out of nowhere

“What are you looking at?” asked Brooke, squinting at her.

“None of your business, what’s gotten into you?” said Vanessa, her phone still held firmly against herself.

Brooke bit her lip, shifting to sit properly on the couch and cross her arms, her leg jumping up and down restlessly. “Are you cheating on me?”

“What?” Vanessa asked too loudly, startling Bee, making her wince and murmur an apology while the baby just kept kicking and looking at herself on her little toy mirror. “Brooke, what are you talking about?”

“Well, are you?” asked Brooke again, accusingly.

“No!” said Vanessa, moving closer. “Baby, I would never do that.”

But Brooke only took the opportunity to snatch the phone off of her hands. “Tell me what you were looking at then.”

“It was nothing, just some website,” said Vanessa, trying to get her phone back.

Brooke gasped. “Do you have a pregnant fetish? Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me anymore?”

“What?” Vanessa snapped again. “What the fuck are you on tonight?”

“What is it then? You don’t like me anymore?” Brooke asked. There were tears on the corner of her eyes. “You can tell me, I can take it.”

“Bitch, you want to know what I was looking at, I’ll fucking show you,” said Vanessa, annoyed. She angrily yanked her phone back from Brooke’s hand, unlocking it to reveal her browser app, the last page visited showing up automatically. It was a fertility clinic website.

Brooke was dumbfounded. “I don’t understand-”

“Yeah, no shit,” said Vanessa, looking away and dropping the phone on the couch. “I was just reading about it, okay? It has nothing to do with you.”

“You want to have a baby?” asked Brooke.

“Maybe,” said Vanessa, rubbing her face down. “I don’t know. It’s expensive, but maybe if I plan it right I can save enough.” She still wasn’t looking at Brooke. Actually, she was looking at Bee.

“But,” Brooke looked at Bee too. ”what about us?” She looked back at Vanessa, who finally looked at her with teary eyes.

“I don’t know,” said Vanessa. “That’s why I didn’t want you to see. I was just seeing how it works, I haven’t decided anything.”

“I just don’t get it,” Brooke crouched down to pick Bee up. She didn’t know why, she just needed to hold her. “Bee doesn’t count for you? She’s not enough?”

“Bee is yours,” said Vanessa, with such emphasis that it seemed like she was saying something else, something bigger.

“So what?” asked Brooke, still taken aback. “Does that make her less or something?”

“You’re not getting it,” said Vanessa, frustrated. “I love both of you with all my heart. You’re everything to me, everything. I’ve been trying to come here less, do other stuff ‘cause it was too much, but it didn’t work.” Brooke was still not getting it. “This love is bigger than me but it doesn’t change the fact that Bee is yours. And I don’t want to be just an aunt anymore, I want to be a mother.”

Vanessa started to finally cry, her hands covering her eyes like she was ashamed.

Brooke got it.

“You want Bee to be yours too,” said Brook quietly, and it wasn’t a question. “Is that what you didn’t want to tell me the other day?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just gonna go,” said Vanessa, getting up and picking up her things in a frenzy and dashing to the door.

“Shit,” murmured Brooke, putting Bee down on her mat carefully while Vanessa was already closing the door behind her. “Be good, I’ll be right back.” Brooke ran after her, leaving the door open so she could hear Bee from outside if she cried. She managed to catch up with Vanessa already crossing the street to her car, hugging her from behind in the middle of the street, barefoot and with her heart threatening to come out of her throat.

“Please come back inside,” said Brooke, resting her cheek against Vanessa’s hair. “I’m sorry I misunderstood you. Please.”

Vanessa gently leaned back against her. “I should never have said that. It’s not right.”

“We can talk about it,” said Brooke, “just come back.”

Vanessa turned back around inside her arms, looked Brooke in the eyes and caressed her face. “I love you. But this is too much, I need to be by myself right now,” said Vanessa, getting on her tiptoes to kiss Brooke, quickly but meaningfully, before keeping walking to her car.

Brooke let her, feeling utterly lost. She walked back before Vanessa even started the engine, her mind already a tornado of thoughts. She closed the door and walked back to sit down next to Bee again.

“What do I do now?”


	13. Of birds and bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Vanessa distances herself from Brooke and Bee, but now it's out in the open: she wants to be a mother too. 
> 
> On this chapter: Brooke has to think carefully about the things she found out, then maybe it all can be resolved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Mia for the beta <3
> 
> This is the first thing that made me cry while writing. Enjoy.

"Geez Louise, you were not kidding when you said it was serious," said Nina. Despite her words she had a smile in her voice since she was making faces at Bee while they strolled slowly through the park in the late afternoon.

"And what do you think?" asked Brooke, chewing the inside of her mouth nervously.

"What do I know? I don't have any kids," said Nina. "No I don't, Aunt Nina doesn't have any cousins for you yet, no she doesn't," she continued in a baby voice, pinching Bee's sock-clad toes.

Brooke sighed. "Am I crazy to think she's not asking for too much? In fact, I kind of wanted her to move in even before this. But then I remember we actually haven’t known each other that long, and we've been together for even less. I haven't even met her mother yet!"

"I get that. But you're thinking in terms of normal relationships," said Nina, giving up on resisting and picking Bee up. "Not a 'we fell in love while you were carrying a child as a single mother' relationship. There's no point of reference for that. Plus, she was there for everything, right? Freakouts, doctor appointments, even the birth for crying out loud,” said Nina. Brooke nodded. “I mean, that’s no small feat, even if you had been together for years. Besides, straight people sometimes have a baby because they had sex while drunk at a party and no one bats an eye. I don't know where I was going with that, but the point is, you guys are doing great. Look at this little peanut, look how loved and cared for she is," she squeezed her cheek against Bee's, who squirmed.

Brooke smiled. “Stop squishing her, Nina, you'll make her cry."

"Sorry little bumblebee, you're just too cute," said Nina, adjusting Bee in her lap so she would be looking forward as they walked. "Look, I know this sounds sappy, but do what your heart is telling you to do. Nobody is saying you have to make things official yet. Like, paper official. I agree it’s too early for that, if that’s what’s making you hesitate.”

“Yeah,” said Brooke. “I think so.”

“Go slow then,” said Nina as if it was simple. “Think small steps, see how that goes, talk about it. It's going to be fine.” Brooke watched Bee moving excitedly in Nina’s lap as she looked around. Nina could practically read what was going on in Brooke’s mind. “Come on, what do you think she would say if she could have an opinion on this? For real?”

“I don’t know,” said Brooke, honestly. “Really, I don’t.”

“You want to know what I think?” asked Nina. Brooke nodded. Nina lifted Bee in front of her face, moving her like a puppet and talking in a surprisingly good impression of a baby voice; “‘Isn’t Vanessa my other mom already? What’s all this fuss about?’” Brooke couldn’t help but laugh.

\--

Vanessa had always known she wanted to be a mother. Ever since she was big enough to babysit the smaller kids she knew one day she was going to have a family of her own. She had waited, first for the time to come because she was too young. Then, for the right job, with benefits and stability because if she kept jumping from place to place every six months she would never be able to support her family. Then, she waited for the right person to come along. She thought it had happened, once or twice, but it never did. She kept on dreaming, kept on waiting, kept on selling clothes for other people’s babies and wondering when her turn would come. Then, she met Brooke.

She could account for several mistakes she had made in that relationship, many of which she recognized while making them but made them anyway. She could not convince herself that loving Brooke and Bee too much was one of them. Even as she indulged in the idea of getting pregnant herself, of having a baby that would be all hers to take care of, even if she could manage to do it regardless of finances and medical issues, her heart kept shaking its metaphorical head at her, telling her she was lying to herself. She didn’t need a new family, she already had one.

At this point, the sadness had swallowed her whole. It had been a couple of days since she saw her girls but it felt like a lifetime, especially considering she didn’t know when she would see them again. She was at work, folding clothes that a kid threw on the floor earlier, a pile of bodysuits on the girl’s side of the store, which meant Bee had all of them. Every single thing Vanessa put her hands on, Bee had one. In different sizes, and she hadn’t worn most of it yet, but it was hanging in her closet or folded in her dresser because Brooke managed to buy everything Carter’s had to offer during her pregnancy. She didn’t have a single thing from another brand that wasn’t a present because of how much time she spent on the store. And she did it because of Vanessa, because she had loved her from the beginning.

A tear landed on a bodysuit and Vanessa sniffed, catching herself before the crying escalated. She wiped her face and thought about the movie she watched on her couch last night while binge-eating an entire tub of ice cream, or about the neighbor’s cat that had been found hiding under the washing machine, or about the weird haircut of the lady that just left. Anything that wouldn’t stir up her emotions too much.

The door opened, and she turned around with hope. She couldn’t help it. But it was just a couple of strangers, who she smiled at and welcomed, doing her best to hide how disappointed she was that they weren’t a tall blonde with a small little baby. Vanessa finished folding the bodysuits and went to stand behind the register while the couple browsed the boy’s section. She checked her phone discreetly under the counter, only to find there was a message from Brooke. Vanessa threw all caution to the wind to see what the message was without caring at all about work ethics.

_Brooke: Can I see you? Maybe after work at your place? Or whatever is best for you._

_Vanessa: Yes! My place is fine, I leave at 6. I miss you_.

She answered fast and without thinking, not even questioning why Brooke wanted to go to her place instead of having Vanessa over like usual, or the fact she was texting instead of just showing up. She didn’t even care. Just knowing she would see Brooke felt like a weight lifted off her chest. It was so much easier to breathe. Her phone lit up with another message.

_Brooke: I miss you too. See you later then._

When her customers came to her with questions about the baby sizes, it was so much easier to smile and help them, even if the anxiety about the impending conversation was starting to make itself known. That anxiety would soon plant the seed of all kinds of scenarios in Vanessa’s head, scenarios she would end up nurturing all day long, to the point where, by the time she went home, she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be happy or fearful anymore.

\--

Vanessa made hot chocolate for them. It wasn’t cold, but it was comforting and the conversation would be hard. Bee stayed home with Nina, and Vanessa called A’keria when she found out so she would go over there too, just in case. Brooke looked nervous, sat on Vanessa’s maroon couch sipping her chocolate with wide, glazed eyes, no doubt wondering how to start this. But Vanessa was worse, sitting on the other extremity of the couch, cross-legged, looking at Brooke and holding her mug like it was a lifeline. She already felt like crying.

“This is hard,” said Brooke with an affected chuckle.

“If you’re breaking up with me, you can start with that,” said Vanessa, letting a couple of tears fall. She might as well get it over with already instead of just postponing the inevitable.

“No,” said Brooke, looking at her with certainty in her eyes. Vanessa exhaled. “That’s not what I want. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Vanessa shook her head. “Not at all.”

“Good,” Brooke let out a breath of relief. They still weren’t smiling, but at least they were looking at each other now. Brooke put her mug down on the coffee table before she continued. “So, hm. I thought about it carefully. Tried to take everything I could into consideration, you know. Tried to think about what would be best for Bee and not only what my emotions were telling me to do.” It sounded like Brooke had rehearsed this, and maybe she had. Vanessa only nodded, signaling she was listening. “But that only worked so far. I did that kind of thinking when I decided to get pregnant too, but everything is different now. I can’t take care of Bee with thinking only, there’s too much love for that. That’s good, I think. She deserves that, all that love. And I can’t ignore how much you love her, even if I try to ignore how much I love you.”

“I do,” mumbled Vanessa, wiping her tears before they fell down her face. “And I love you too, so much.”

“But I’m not ready to share her with you on paper.”

“Brooke, I-”

“Not yet,” finished Brooke, ignoring Vanessa’s interruption.

“What- what does that mean?” asked Vanessa, cautiously hopeful.

“That I need it to be slow. I need you to be on board with that, with talking about it every step of the way, probably exhaustively, maybe even going to therapy if we think it’ll help. And if the papers are important to you, I’m sorry but-”

“Wait, wait,” interrupted Vanessa. “Slow down. I need to make sure you’re saying what I think you’re saying ‘cause it sounds a little bit too good to be true right now, and you’re looking all business-like, I might be misunderstanding.”

In the corner of Brooke’s mouth, the smallest smile bloomed. “You want to be the mother of my child?”

All of the air left Vanessa’s lungs in one go.

“Unofficially,” finished Brooke.

“I don’t care if I’m the bootleg mom,” said Vanessa, fully sobbing now. She practically tossed her mug on the coffee table to jump on Brooke’s neck, hugging her so tightly it was nearly a choking hazard. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

“It’s going to be baby steps, okay?” said Brooke, her fingers tangling in Vanessa’s hair while she hugged her back.

“Yes, yes,” said Vanessa, smacking kisses all over Brooke’s face. “Slow as a motherfucking turtle. A stoned turtle. Talking, therapy, anything you want.”

Brooke finally allowed herself to smile, but it was short-lived, as Vanessa kissed her lips soon after. With all the uncertainty gone, both of them felt free to release the passion and desire they had been holding back for each other, desperate for the love they had been so afraid to lose just a few minutes ago. Promises of love were whispered as clothes were shed, and the idea of moving to the bedroom didn’t even cross their minds before they were making love right there, on the couch of Vanessa’s living room.

Vanessa felt like she couldn’t move after it was over. Draped over Brooke, she fished for a shirt on the floor and laid it over her bare ass in a ridiculous mimic of a cover. Brooke chuckled, and she did too, satisfied, not lifting her head from the comfortable pillow that was her girlfriend’s chest.

“What do you want her to call you?” asked Brooke, softly combing her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. “I call dibs on Mom and Mommy.”

Vanessa laughed. “Damn, you can pick two?” she joked. “Maybe Mamá? What do you think?”

“In Spanish?”

“Yeah.”

“Mamá,” repeated Brooke, testing the word. “Did I pronounce it right?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa chuckled, lifting her head to look at Brooke. “It’s not that hard.”

Brooke stuck her tongue out. “I like it. You’re going to teach her Spanish?”

“I could,” said Vanessa. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all, I think it would be amazing for her to grow up bilingual,” said Brooke. “Just no making fun of me in a language I don’t understand.” She tickled Vanessa’s side playfully.

Vanessa squirmed and batted her hands away. “Deal. We only make fun of Mom in English. It’s a rule.”

“I think we’ll be good at this,” said Brooke seriously.

“Me too,” Vanessa agreed, leaning forward to kiss her. “And I love you very much baby, but now I’m thinking about Nina and A’keria babysitting, and-”

“Yeah, how long has it been?” said Brooke. “We should probably go. Let’s go.”


	14. Motherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: After some difficult moments, Brooke finally says that Vanessa can be Bee's mother too, as long as they take it slow.
> 
> On this chapter: Motherhood occurs, and a family is built.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Holtzmann for betaing and being the sweetest person ever <3
> 
> These will be the last two chapters of this fic, but not of this universe. I plan on making one-shots out of chronological order after this, hope you guys are into it :)

Vanessa was giving her baby daughter a bath. Her baby daughter! She had been a mother for approximately two weeks, and it still hadn’t fully sunk in yet.

“I’m your Mamá,” she whispered to Bee, as if it was a secret they shared. “Can you believe it?”

Bee seemed pleased with the idea, but she also loved baths, so she couldn’t really be trusted right now. They’ve also had some version of this conversation at least once every day ever since Vanessa and Brooke came back from their Talk to find Nina and A’keria arguing over what was the proper way to clean a baby’s butt while Bee laid naked on the changing station - so maybe she was just smiling and nodding in baby language right now, already tired of hearing Vanessa stating the obvious over and over again.

“Are you planning on turning her into a prune?” asked Brooke, entering the kitchen after probably getting tired of waiting for them in the bedroom.

“She likes it,” pouted Vanessa.

Brooke shook her head with a smile, leaning down to give her girlfriend a series of pecks. Vanessa whined, giving in reluctantly and finishing the baby’s bath. Brooke took the towel that was laid down on the counter while Vanessa lifted Bee from the water so Brooke could wrap her up. The minute Bee’s little body was away from the warmth of her bath, her mouth contorted into a big pout and she started to cry.

“Aww,” said Brooke and Vanessa simultaneously.

“It’s Mommy’s fault, sweetie,” said Vanessa, placing the baby in Brooke’s arms. “That’s right, you blame her.”

“It’s okay, honeybee,” said Brooke, drying Bee’s little face gently with the edge of the towel while Vanessa tucked the rest around her so she didn’t get cold. “We’re going to put you in some cozy pjs now,” Brooke started to walk to the bedroom while talking. “And your Mamá is going to make you a nice big bottle, yes…”

Vanessa tuned out after that. All of the times Brooke called her Bee’s Mamá so far, she had made sure Vanessa would hear it, would look at her and smile as if to say ‘ _see, I’m doing it_ ’. It was nice, considerate, but Vanessa could tell Brooke had to think before doing it. This time, it had been so casual, like it was no effort at all. She just _said_ it, like it was just another mundane fact. Vanessa could feel her heart swelling so much she was almost afraid it wouldn’t fit in her chest anymore.

“I’m a mother,” she mumbled to herself, giggling, tears of joy bubbling to the surface as she finally managed to budge from her shocked state to make her daughter her night time bottle.

\--

“Every time I think I cannot find a more expensive daycare, they manage to surprise me,” said Brooke, frustrated. She was sitting against the headboard thumbing at her phone while Vanessa spread lotion on her own legs, a routine they did pretty much every evening. At this point, Bee was 6 months old; she already slept in her own room and Brooke’s maternity leave was about to end. To say the blonde was stressed out about it would be the understatement of the century.

“I was thinking about that,” said Vanessa. “I should stop stalling and organize the move already, I keep paying the rent to my old place and it’s just a waste of money.”

“Fuck, we have to do that before I go back to work too,” said Brooke.

“I didn’t mean to stress you even more, sorry baby,” said Vanessa, climbing under the covers and pulling her girlfriend to a cuddle. “You know, I wish I could tell you to just quit and stay with Bee, but I don’t earn enough. We’d have to give up on a lot of things. I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to worry about that,” said Brooke, leaning up to caress Vanessa’s face. “I’m not bothered about going back to work, I like my job, I even miss it a little. It’s just hard leaving her. I wish I could work for like, just 2 hours a day, that would be nice,” she smiled sadly, laying her head on Vanessa’s chest once again.

“But I want you to know that I did the math and all, ‘cause I would do that for you,” said Vanessa.

“I know, baby, thank you.”

“I, hm, did the math the other way too,” said Vanessa, worrying her lip between her teeth.

“What do you mean?” asked Brooke.

“I mean that if I was the one to quit, we could actually do it,” she said. Brooke stayed quiet. “I don’t earn that much if you take into account how much those daycares cost, especially the ones you want.” Brooke still didn’t say anything. Vanessa sighed. ”Tell me what you’re thinking, boo.”

“I’m thinking there’s no actual reason for me to say no,” Brooke started.

“But?”

“But I don’t want to be the second Mom.”

“I’m sorry, are we in a ranking that I didn’t know about?” responded Vanessa, already with an edge on her voice.

“No,” said Brooke, sounding tired. “Please, I don’t want to fight,” she pulled away from Vanessa so they could look at each other. “I just don’t want to be the absent parent, the one that comes second for her.”

“Are you scared that if I stay home with her, she’s going to love me more than you?” asked Vanessa, astonished.

Brooke nodded, sheepishly. “I’m scared she’s going to love you more regardless, actually.”

“Baby, that’s so dumb,” said Vanessa. Brooke chuckled, but the fear remained in her eyes. “Look, I never had two parents, but I was raised by my mom and my abuela and I can tell you I love each of them so much I could never choose one over the other. Except when one of them was scolding me or something, you know, but that doesn’t really count,” she smiled. “You worry too much. Love is not a bucket of water.”

“What?”

“It’s something someone told me once,” Vanessa scratched her head as she tried to remember the metaphor properly. “If you had only a bucket of water, you’d have to really think about who you’d share it with. You’d probably save most of it because you’d be afraid of when there would be nothing left, and give only tiny bits to the people that are the most important to you. But love is not like that - love is a river that wells in your heart. You can share as much as you want and it never goes away. The more you give it, the more you are filled with new, fresh water too. You don’t have to compete over it, or be petty over it, there’s always more than enough.”

“Baby, that’s beautiful,” said Brooke.

“Who says I’m not a poet,” Vanessa bragged playfully. “You’re her mom, Brooke. The most important person in her life. She loves you already, more than anything in the entire world.”

Brooke started to tear up. Vanessa knew this was the sort of thing she knew to be true, but was afraid to believe. “Anyway, this was just an idea, we don’t have to do it. We can go with the plan and it’s fine.”

“No, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone if I didn’t at least think about it,” said Brooke. Vanessa cuddled into her, closing her eyes to relish in her familiar and comforting smell. “Maybe it would even be better for her, health-wise and all. I’ll look into it,” she kissed Vanessa’s head. “Do you really want to do it, or is it just about the money?”

Vanessa shook her head against Brooke’s chest. “It’s not just about the money.”

“Okay.”

\--

“Mama,” said Bee, extending her hands to her sippy cup, that she couldn’t reach from her high chair. Vanessa picked it up and gave it to her, a smug grin plastered on her face.

“You’re being so childish, no kid says “Mommy” all of a sudden, they all say “Mama” first, it doesn’t mean anything,” said Brooke, squinting her eyes at Vanessa from her place at the dinner table.

“I didn’t say nothing,” responded Vanessa, the smirk not leaving her lips even as she ate.

Brooke gave Bee another spoon of food, taking the cup away from her so she didn’t throw it on the floor, which was something that she had been doing lately, apparently finding it very funny despite being scolded for it every time.

“Yeah, like I can’t see it in your face,” said Brooke.

She wasn’t really that annoyed. Really, she wasn’t. It didn’t mean anything at all. Bee said it for both of them, sometimes using it as a kind of “master word” to simply signal to any adult that she wanted something.

“Tu madre esta loca, mija,” said Vanessa to Bee, who babbled in response.

“Hey, you’re breaking the rules,” said Brooke, playfully kicking Vanessa’s shin under the table, eliciting a giggle from her. She had started to talk in Spanish with Bee a few months ago, mainly during the day, when they were alone with each other. She only did it in front of Brooke to piss her off.

“Your mother is crazy, mija,” Vanessa repeated in English, laughing. Bee kept babbling, Vanessa nodding and smiling at her. “That’s right, you have a talk with her, say what’s right and whatnot, stand your ground,” she encouraged, taking everybody’s empty plates to take them to the kitchen while Bee kept talking gibberish passionately.

Brooke chuckled at both of them, taking the bib from her daughter’s neck and cleaning the mess around her mouth and chubby hands. While Vanessa was out of earshot, she took Bee onto her lap.

“Come on, honeybee, say Mom-my,” said Brooke quietly. “It’s not that different, you can do it.”

“Mama,” said Bee, squirming to get out of Brooke’s lap to waddle away to her toys.

“Yeah, that’s good, good job, now try like this, mom-mee,” said Brooke, making sure to enunciate. Bee whined and Brooke had to get up and carry her to the living room if she wanted to keep her attention. They sat on the floor and started playing together with a little ball. “Come on, baby, you know how to make both of those sounds. Mom-my.”

“Mama,” said Bee, looking up at her with her big blue eyes, like she was waiting for Brooke’s approval. Brooke sighed, giving in completely and taking the little rascal in her arms to kiss her to death.

“Too cute, you’re too cute,” she said, tickling Bee’s side as the girl writhed, giggle and screeched.

“Buzzy Bee, is she punishing you just because you love your Mamá better?” said Vanessa, flopping down by their side. “Tell me everything, sweetie.”

“Mama,” said Bee again, getting away from Brooke’s arm to get a toy and give it to Vanessa, then getting another to give to Brooke, all the while babbling nonsense that Vanessa was pretending to pay attention to.

“No! Did she really?” said Vanessa, feigning shock. “How dare she!” Brooke rolled her eyes and smiled, taking Vanessa by the waist and pulling her into her arms. “Ah! She’s attacking me too! Help me Bee, help!”

Bee laughed and screamed, jumping to into their mothers’ hug. They all fell back to the floor, pretending to wrestle with the little girl over them, laughing and occasionally getting her little knee or elbow in someone’s ribs, none the wiser, but the pain was well worth it. Brooke eventually laid still on her back, panting, and Vanessa leaned over to kiss her lovingly while Bee was hanging upside down over both of their stomachs. It was truly a perfect moment.

“I love you,’ whispered Brooke, looking into Vanessa’s beautiful brown eyes.

“I love you too,” Vanessa responded, but the moment was cut short by Bee almost falling on her head.

“Come on, it’s bath time,” Brooke said, getting up and taking Bee’s hand to walk her to the bathroom.

“Wait, I bought something today,” said Vanessa, getting up to find a plastic bag and produce a colorful package from it. “You put it in the bath and the water becomes red or green or blue,” she said, reading the instructions as Brooke picked Bee up so they would get to the bathroom faster. “You think she’ll like it? You can even mix the colors once she’s big enough to learn that,” she grinned.

Brooke smiled back, starting to undress Bee as Vanessa turned on the water. “That’s fun, let’s try it.”

Vanessa opened the package and took a small blue tablet from inside. It looked a lot like candy, which meant that they had to store it high up, out of Bee’s reach. She put it in the water together with Bee’s toys, the girl already stretching in her Mom’s arms to get in the water too.

“This is so cool,” said Brooke, “put another one in.”

“I think we like it more than her,” said Vanessa, giggling and dropping a red tablet in the water. Brooke swirled it around and mixed it with the blue to make it a deep purple. “Look, she doesn’t give a shi-oe.”

“She really doesn’t give a shoe,” said Brooke, laughing. “Maybe she’s still too small,” she took the shampoo bottle to wash the still scarce blonde curls on Bee’s head.

“Yeah, I’ll keep it for later,” said Vanessa. “Or maybe we can make our baths happier and I’ll buy another one for her in a couple of months.”

“Seriously?”

“Hey, I won’t judge you if you don’t judge me,” shrugged Vanessa.

“Baby, I’ll buy you a proper bath bomb, with colors and nice smells too, okay?” said Brooke, chuckling. “You don’t have to steal our daughter’s toy ones,” she struggled to wash Bee’s behind as the girl kept slipping away from her grasp.

“You can’t mix and play with them Lush ones, but okay,” mumbled Vanessa as she left the room to make things ready in Bee’s bedroom.

After successfully (but not without some effort) putting Bee to bed, the pair found themselves cuddled together on the couch, the TV on but none of them really paying attention. Brooke had her gaze fixed just by the side of it, lost in thought while she curled a strand of Vanessa’s hair around her finger absentmindedly. Vanessa was lying against Brooke’s shoulder, an arm tossed over her waist. She usually would be dozing off right now, but her thoughts were keeping her awake, not even Brooke’s soothing caresses keeping them away.

“You seem tense,” said Brooke eventually.

“I’m nervous about tomorrow,” said Vanessa.

“It’s going to be fine,” said Brooke, kissing her head. “And if it’s not, we’ll keep trying.”

“I know,” said Vanessa. “I just want it to work so bad,” she finished, unable to swallow back the fearful knot in her throat, noticeable in her voice.

‘It will, baby, don’t worry,” said Brooke, shifting to hug her tighter. Vanessa moved to kiss her on the lips, but didn’t say anything else about the subject.


	15. A bug's life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Brooke, Vanessa, and Bee make a happy little family, and we see the two moms worried about a future event in their lives.
> 
> On this chapter: We find out what that event was about, and get another glimpse into their family life.

Bee was jumping on her mothers’ mattress on the foot of the bed, in the space between their legs that they had to widen more and more as she kept jumping. It was early morning on a quiet Sunday, or at least it had been before Bee woke up because she hadn’t stopped talking since, all of her five (and a half!) year-old energy at full force even before breakfast.

“... it’s got to be a bug, because if I’m a bee he has to be a bug too, maybe like a fly or an ant. Ants are cool, but they can’t fly, so they don’t count,” she was still jumping as she talked, holding her beat-up plush bunny by the ears and gesticulating seriously, clearly very invested on the point she was apparently making, even if it was too early for either Brooke or Vanessa to follow most of its logic. “But flies are kind of gross. I like beatles too, and butterflies, and ladybugs, but he can’t be a ladybug, he’s gonna be a misterbug.”

“We don’t know if it’s a boy yet, mija,” said Vanessa patiently from her side of the bed, her hand resting on her still small baby bump. 

“It’s got to be a boy, Mamá!” said Bee exasperated, never stopping jumping. “Because I’m a girl and you’re a girl, and Mom is a girl, so it’s got to be a boy,” she gave a final jump and fell on her butt, sitting down. “It’s too many girls already!”

Brooke chuckled. “That’s not how it works, honeybee, we don’t get a say in it.”

Bee crawled her way to Vanessa, pulled the covers away from her body and put her tiny hands around her mouth like she was going to shout, but instead touched them to Vanessa’s belly and whispered; “Please be a boy, baby-bug.”

The two adults all but melted. Brooke pulled the little girl into her arms to shower her with kisses. “You’re too cute,” she said in between Bee’s giggles. 

“I’m gonna start breakfast,” said Vanessa, giving Bee a squishy kiss on the cheek and Brooke a small peck.

“You wanna help your Mamá in the kitchen?” Brooke asked Bee, who nodded. 

“Ven, mija,” said Vanessa, standing by the end of the bed and opening her arms so Bee could run and jump into her arms. 

“Qué vamos hacer?” asked Bee, already in Vanessa’s lap.

“Hmm, huevos. Que piensas?” said Vanessa, walking to the kitchen holding the girl onto her side.

Bee nodded. “Podemos poner fresas en los huevos?” she said, giggling.

“Fresas?!” said Vanessa in playful shock, scrunching her face in a disgusted grimace to make Bee laugh. Brooke couldn’t hear them anymore, and got up to make their bed and put Bee’s bunny back in her room, also tidying it up a little before she made her own way to the kitchen. 

She stood at the doorway and watched her girls working, their back and forth in Spanish now too fast for her to understand. She winced slightly as Bee forgot she had her hands dirty with egg yolk and pushed her hair back, making it all sticky on one side. It wasn’t even 9 am yet, and Brooke wondered if there was ever going to be a day where her daughter would manage to stay clean at least until 10.

She looked at Vanessa and her small belly with their little baby growing inside. They had been trying for years now, ever since Bee could barely walk. It had been hard, especially on Vanessa, who had to go through medical procedures and almost gave up entirely. It wasn’t fair that it had been so easy for Brooke and so hard for her. The worst part wasn’t even all the times they failed, but how worthless they made Vanessa feel about herself. 

But now it was done, all in the past. Vanessa had insisted on waiting for the first 12 weeks to pass, for the heartbeat to be heard, for the doctor to confirm time and time again that she was fine, that she didn’t have any reason to worry, and only then they could finally tell Bee. Her enthusiasm was so pure that Brooke wished there was a way to put it in a jar for her to carry around and share with whoever was having a bad day. 

“Mommy, I don’t want the baby to play with my purple doll. He can play with the pink and the blue ones, but not the purple. And not the marbles set either, because Jennie was here the other day and she messed it all up and I had to do it all over again and-” Bee walked the entire way to Brooke talking, her hands still dirty and dangerously close to her leg.

“Ah, Bee, don’t touch me,” she said, flinching away, “let me clean your hands.” She looked up in time to see the mischievous grin forming on Vanessa’s face. “Don’t you dare, I washed my hair yesterday,” she warned. 

Vanessa swept Bee up by the hips, lifting the laughing girl in front of her like the world’s cutest weapon. “Come on, Bee, try to get her hair!” shouted Vanessa, already running behind Brooke through the house, all three of them giggling, laughing and screaming, breakfast delayed another half hour. But even with their stomachs growling, it was 100% worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bee and Vanessa's dialogue in Spanish is basically: B: "What are we gonna make?" V: "Eggs, what do you think?" B:"Can we put strawberries in it?" V: "Strawberries?!"  
> \------------------
> 
> The feedback I got on this fic was beyond anything I could hope after adding the tag "Pregnant" under the title. Thank you all so much for joining me in all this fluffiness and buffoonery, I'm so proud of what I did and that's thanks to you guys!
> 
> I wrapped the fic up but I'm planning on making a series so I can add one-shots out of chronological order and with different ratings, so stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think <3


End file.
